Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Today, I talk about beating children.

Oh yeah. I said it. Here I'll wait for you to get settled in. Because surely, you think I've lost my mind. Ready?

Readers, I don't have children of my own. Which is what makes me uniquely qualified to comment on how other people should raise theirs. Most of the time children are just fine. Even when they are acting up. Some children however, need one good swift five finger plant to the ass. In the past couple of years, I could count on one hand how many of these kids I've encountered. But, they leave a big impression.

Back at the car show, this family was right behind us. They immediately got onto my radar because this kid was screaming at the top of his lungs. You'd have thought he was being kidnapped. We went through the ticket booth, up the escalator (which was in the middle of the building) and walked completely to the far side of the hall. I could still hear this kid. And he went on for about 10 minutes. Screaming at the top of his lungs.

Now, I wouldn't say I'm a huge advocate for corporal punishment. I much prefer the look of death that makes kids think you are going to beat them - over the actual beating. But every once in a while, I swear to you - some kids need a single smack to the ass. Just say'in.


  1. I couldn't agree more. If my parents hadn't whooped my butt, I'd be in jail. Instead I graduated college, work as a professional, and own my own home. All because I learned to follow the rules. Funny how that works.

  2. AAA!!!HAAA!!!! I recognize the limp noodle of death technique. Not of course that Piko deGallo ever did it except as an infant. It's truly amazing that kids can scream at the top of their lungs, yet remain totally limp at the same time, preventing (if they even care) parental handling.

    Parents need to grow some and figure out that nothing is so important that they can't leave if their kid is acting up. Repeat after me, "Parents rule, kids drool".

    I am also a master of the "look o' death".

  3. Let the beatings commence! I think I had maybe 2 spankings as a child, I remember 1 and that was all of a smack on the ass. What I remember more was knowing it was coming and being forced to apologize for lying. I too am a master of the look of death, however as she gets older, I find the look doesn't work as well.