Wednesday, January 07, 2009

It's all too complicated.

I hate those blogs where people have the same conflicts over and over, and do nothing about it. I'm trying to not be that person. Not sure I'm succeeding. But, I'm really am trying. Mr S. would say I'm probably not succeeding. I want to succeed.

So with the world deciding to take another leap into free fall - I stepped into the abyss, and sent a text to my renter.

Me - Renter. I'm giving you fair warning. I'm not going to continue this pattern with you.

He replies - About what?

Fuuuuuck. Now I'm going to need to have a confrontation. I mean - I'll do it, but I hate it and it stresses me out.

Delusionally, I think he will just reply with "I will get the rent over to you on xyz". It is hardly a matter that the rent is late. The bigger issue is that I'm pretty sure he's subletted the place. I don't know who is living there. He's been vague about it. Which I also can't figure out. And, makes me suspicious and untrusting. Last month I told him "just stick him on the lease". I don't even care if he has a family of Guatemalans living there, as long as they pay the rent and don't fuck up the place.

The thought of having to stalk my house annoys me. And - I specifically told him last month that I have too much shit going on. I hate having to call him every month. Hate it.

So here I am. Ready to walk away. I'm tired. It has become more of a hassle to rent to him than to just have the property vacant. I'm out.

Ha ha ha... not so fast. He always takes me right to the line. Then steps back.

Him - Snarkolepsy, I was going to pay you today. I'll give you the house back if you want. If you are going to be like this, I'll give the house back.

Me - okay.

Him - Snarkolepsy. You know I would never screw you.

And in that moment I feel better and worse - all at the same time. Those are the words I wanted to hear. But, I'm fearful of believing him. Given the right circumstance anyone will screw you. The truth is - I want to believe him. He's been in my circle for a very long time. I used to think that if you'd been with me for years and years, I'd put you through a stringent vetting process. But the Maddoffs of the world have fucked that up a little. I guess people can lull you into a false sense of security. For 20 long years. And wind up screwing you in the end. Yet - I completely hate not trusting people. So I walk this line over and over. People at arms length. But my arm gets tired. So I start to rest it. Only to forced to snap it back into position.

This whole thing is making Mr S. crazy. I convince him I'm done - only to be sucked back in. Sucks to be him right now.


  1. Maybe you can see if he'll go for an automatic deposit arrangement?

  2. In my experience, folks who say they'd "never screw you" are the ones who will do it first.

    The offer to give the house back is a blatant attempt to manipulate you.

    If it were me, I'd accept the offer.