Friday, April 30, 2010

Nothing says I love you - like an IOU.

Update - I guess I just realized it is Friday. No money comes in on the weekends. So that is our budget shortfall. 3.2 billion.

I mean, since I haven't gotten my tax refund- I'm guessing they haven't processed them all yet.

It looks like we need to find a little over 3 billion - today - to meet the 10.2 billion budget target. Tax receipts really fell off there on the 29th.

Who is going to be our sugar daddy? Hmmmm? See previous post here.

I'm sure it means nothing.

We absolutely need a complete churn of government. Starting with the, I can't keep my mouth shut the remaining few months, Aaaarnold.

Oh, I'd run for President if I could. Then I could just hang around at car shows all over the county and do nothing.

I'm still calling Parkinson's on him. Do you see how his head shakes? He's got some kind of tremor going on there. I'm convinced he's not all right in the head. A lot of times he's got that ill Regan stare. Not being mean. I'd just bet money eventually he will reveal one of those neurological disorders.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

It makes me smile.

The tech magazine used one of my photos from Robogames. And linked my site! Check it out.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Hey Germany - would you like to bail out California?

Update - Amount needed to meet budget target jumps to 1.6 billion a day. 2 days left.

I wonder if California is feeling a little scared today. With that whole Greece thing. And Portugal. Then Spain.

For the past couple of days, the tweetosphere has been alive with the California budget issues.

On the 23'rd I saw an article that said California needed to bring in 927 mil each remaining day till the end of the month to meet the budget. Here.

Then on the 26th, I read we needed to bring in a billion each and every day. Here.

Yesterday morning I saw a tweet that said we still needed to bring in 4.2 bil - In four days. The budget goal is 10 billion this month.

This morning no tweets. Uh Oh, I thought.

Though - I did see that California douchebag Sen. Steinberg thinks he can get 3-4 billion from the feds. Self I said - we must need 3-4 billion to close the gap, or he wouldn't be saying that. So, I went directly over to the controllers office and saw we still need to bring in 3.6 billion in the next three days. That is 1.2 billion a day. I'm sure everything will be completely fine. Consumer sentiment is up!

Let us recap. We went from needing to bring in a little over 900 million a day, to 1.2 billion a day. Which means tax revenue is falling quite below expectations.

Of course, we did get offers to buy some of the Government buildings for 2 billion. I think. The news media is really working overtime trying to obfuscate the data. First I read it was 2 billion, then I read it might only be slightly over 500 million.

Who even cares at this point. We owe the Feds almost 9 billion for the depleted unemployment fund. What is an extra 3-4 billion dollars?

Plus, I look at the market today and think - why are you guys to effing happy? We've got our own little meltdown right here.

You've got to be kidding me Sprint.

So, today - I went in to my local Sprint brick and mortar store to pay my bill. I've been doing this the whole time with Sprint. Close to 9 months. When the rep asked how I wanted to pay, I told him - in cash. Oh, he says. Last week they changed the computer software and now you have to pay a fee of 5 dollars to pay with cash.

I couldn't believe my ears. With cash? I confirmed. Yep. He says. They want you to use your debit card. Which signals to me that they get some fee for making people use a debit card.

Even more irritating is - that is almost a full 3% of my bill. When did companies start charging for accepting cash? Because, I'm not going to pay any of their fees. I'll just plug it into my online banking and they can bite me.

If I was close enough to the end of my contract, that would be enough to make me switch.

Perhaps Sprint should take a clue from Verizon.

The Associated Press
"NEW YORK - Verizon Communications Inc. (NYSE: VZ), the largest wireless carrier in the country, is finding there's an end to the number of people who will sign two-year contracts for cell phone service."

You know what will make people sign contracts? A one year contract, and the first cell company that starts doing that will get a flood of people like me who understand that technology is moving too fast to sit in a two year contract.

And, be charged 3% for the pleasure of paying cash.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Can I have a tiny pony?!

Honestly, I'm not into horses - but, I want a tiny pony. Here.

My bunnies weight more than this thing. And, they are medium breeds at 8 pounds. Not even heavy breeds. They still weigh a full 2 pounds more than this thing.

I love my bunnies, but I had to get my dog on this weekend. Which sounds creepy. It isn't. Sometimes I just need to hijack some else's dog. Temporarily.

I don't really want to own a dog. But, I love them, and Mr S. is allergic.

So allergic - I let a dog kiss all over me this weekend and Mr S. swelled up, just from kissing me. A contact kiss.

My thing about horses is I'm against owning anything that when it dies, you have to rent equipment to get it off your property. Mr S's sister had a horse die in the middle of a snow storm and had to wait to get someone out to remove it. And, it isn't like you can hide a dead horse. It is right there. Well, under the snow. But still.

So.. a tiny pony it is. Even though I bet it will have all sorts of health problems.

Oh yeah.

Lambo doors on a plane.

Mr S. is the bathroom Jesus.

I'm going to give you a funny post, because, before long I'm going to start bitching about the economy. Traffic everywhere in the Valley was dreamy this weekend. Which means, things will probably start getting dicey again soon.

So, you know all these car shows have porto potties. Which I am insanely phobic of. I will leave any event in which I can't find a proper bathroom. Excepting that snooty car show in Monterrey where I had to pay a lot of money to get in.

Down there, they had porto trailers. Which had sinks and carpeting. I totally wanted to take photos, but I was too self conscience. Think about it - way to stand out and show you aren't "one of them" by getting caught snapping photos of the inside of super snooty porto trailer toilets.

Anyway, I'm off track.

Getting in and out of Half Moon Bay pretty much sucks. Coast traffic. One lane. Oddly timed traffic lights. So, by the time we got into the car show I had to pee. I was ready to stop at the first set of portos. Which I thought might be the cleanest. Then decided against it. Then, started scoping out the handicapped portos.

I'm not above shoving a handicapped person out of the way to use their bathroom. Oh yeah. I said it. Though I guilted myself out of it. Destined to hold it the whole way and leave early. Squirming to the very end.

Mr S. wanted to go look at the planes. I kept just wanting to go look at the cars. His agenda was to get to the hangers, where he found me a beautiful old fashion bathroom. It was the most awesome thing ever. And saved me from having to lose my ban on freaky porto johns.

You are awesome Mr S!

Unusual, but not bad ass.

Other shots here and here.

I'm pretty over the car show from the weekend. I was going to put a lambo in here. Because, they always seem to get on the blog. But seriously - I am so bored of Lambos I could lose my mind. Which sounds like a really ridiculously snobby thing to say.

Plus, I almost hate taking pictures of them now. The owners always want to have all the doors open, and it is just a bitch to get a great shot.

This copper car I'd seen before. I'd just never seen the back - and that is the interesting thing.

That is all. I'll save you from the rant about trying to photograph it. Oh, screw it.

Guy walks up to me and says "oooh - I really like this one. Do you like this one"? Then walks right in front of my shot. My thought bubble says "no - I hate it, which is why I'm trying so hard to get a clean shot".

I guess I didn't save you that much from the rant.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Bad Ass. Noble Edition.

Other shots here, here, here, and here. Because, Mr S. says that guys want to see the cars from other angles.

Today I was up at a car show in Half Moon Bay. It's getting harder and harder to find cars I haven't seen before.

The interesting find from today was not in the show - it was in the parking lot. Almost un-noticeable. It was sandwiched in between a truck and a mini van. I only noticed it because of the wing, and initially thought it was a Lotus.

Once I started taking shots of it, I realised I didn't know what it was. I'd never heard of a car or a company called Noble. Neither had Mr S.

Turns out it is out of Noble Automotive Ltd. And, is a pretty rare car. It's a Noble M12 GTO-3R. While it isn't that expensive of a car - it does 0-100 in 5.8 seconds. 0-60 in 4 seconds. So I think it fits into the bad ass section.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Robogames 2010.

Obviously today, I was out at Robogames. You can see that from the title.

I have to say - I honestly don't know how to feel. I'm going to have to give Robogames a good review this year.

They moved it over to San Mateo. To a smaller venue. It was right sized. It was enjoyable. They had interesting stuff. Good for them.

One of the thing I found most interesting was this robot out of Willow Garage. The PR2. Which you may know as the towel folding robot. Youtube video here. It was impressive how easily it moved. Last year, home assistance robots seemed not doable. Now, I'm thinking "maybe". After all, allegedly one of these things can plug itself in. Video from the Willow Garage. I only say allegedly because I haven't seen it with my own eyes. And video is a perfect environment.

From Morav. Website.

This one I was transfixed on, because on a television monitor - they were showing it transform into a rolling robot. Which is what I imagine most walking robots will be capable of in the future. Dual purpose. It doesn't mean that will be reality. I just can't figure any other way to navigate all types of terrain with one system.

I thought the woman told me she had videos on her site, and youtube. Or I would have gotten more information. Website here.

I'm not sure who made this.

R2D2's having lunch.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Squirrels show sadness.


War voids warranties.

Okay people! If war breaks out, and your stuff gets broken - don't tell tech support. They won't fix it. Apparently.

Was this really a big enough deal that they needed to send this out to every single one of their customers?

Hopefully spilling crap on the warranty doesn't void the warranty. Because, I've already done that.

This is why I don't get invited to stuff for free.

Yesterday I was out at an Augmented Reality conference.

I had to think about this post long and hard. After all, the conference was nice enough to give me a blogger pass.

Even though I feel pressure to give them a fantastic post, I can't pretend to be excited about something I wasn't. Which sucks, because this is a technology that I'm really excited about.

I know conferences are notoriously boring, but I honestly can't believe people paid to get into that place. I'm not even in the AR field and I had already seen all of that stuff on youtube or in the wild.

Barely any live demos, and I didn't even see one QR code. It was basically an expensive meeting where everyone tuned out and basically surfed face book and twitter.

I initially was going to pay to get into the conference, and I would have flipped out given how bored I was.

Still, there are too many people poking around in the AR world to not think it will be a bigger part of our lives. It feels like the early days of robotics, or 3D. Hell, even Kotex is experimenting with the application. Which is kinda weird. I'm only pointing it out because I think it is an obscure usage.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Sometimes, the future doesn't arrive.

You know - one of the things I hate about dining out, is having to wait to get my check. It honestly drives me up a wall.

I don't know how many universal signs you can make to let the server know you want to leave. Piling plates in the middle of the table. Staring at them from a distance. Smoke signals. Just give me my effin check, for shits sakes.

So, last year when a restaurant in Palo Alto opened with the promise of getting rid of all those annoyances - I about lost my mind. Of course, it took me a full year to get over there. I don't get as many opportunities to hang out in Palo Alto as I would like.

Why the interest? The ability to order and check out with a table side device. Youtube vid here.

I have nothing against servers. I just think I can handle this process myself. Like self checkout at the grocery store.

It seems though, those little devices aren't working out so well.

We get seated at the table and a server comes to take our order. Remember, the table side devices were the only reason I picked this place. I ask the guy if they weren't using the devices anymore. He said they only had a couple of them and they were having some sort of "issue". I don't remember if it was hardware or software, because at that point I didn't care. I was disappointed. Luckily the food made up for it.

I'm not sure if it really was a problem with the systems, or if people aren't used to getting rid of the tradition of having a server come to your table. I was sure these little devices were going to take the restaurant industry by storm. Which just sucks it didn't.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Gates of Hell.

Normally I don't do anything to my photos other than a couple runs of sharpen. However, every since the first time I went to Sacramento - I've been out of my mind trying to learn how to do High Dynamic Range photography. Sacramento has some really amazing HDR photographers.

I've found it pretty challenging since you have to take the exact same photo several times with different light settings. Then overlay them on each other to take advantage of the dark and light hues. Mostly the photos have turned out pretty blurry.

I've been wanting to get this Rodin piece for a while. I never seem to have my camera the last times I've seen it. Finally I was able to get a subject that was at least postable. Not sure I'm completely crazy about the outcome. But, at least I don't hate it.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Bare Metal.

I'm not so much into bikes - but I do love them when they look like jet engine motors. Bikes have to be super interesting to get my attention.

This one is out of Elite Metal Designs of Grass Valley. That guy was a long way from home.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Lame Hippies at the San Jose Tea Party.

Normally, I might not be so bold to draw in the hippies to the blog. In this case I have to make an exception. Because really - they need to know that even though they thought they were being extreme and edgy. They were pretty lame. And really? A ten year old reference to Lil Jon? Here. While they were dancing around, they kept doing this.

Oh yeah. Some of us get stoner humor. Duh!

Honestly - I spent the entire spread of the financial meltdown watching scarred and jackass. From October to at least January. There is something about watching people get compound fractures that just makes possibly loosing all your money not seem as bad. So their goofy little antics kinda just sucked. Although. I did get a funny story.

I was waiting for them to do something interesting. For the blog. And this tall guy starts talking to me. He says - you should have seen what they were doing earlier.

Me - what were they doing?

Him - I wouldn't really want to say.

I kind of look at him and go back to watching these guys. Then he pipes up again.

Him - Well, I took pictures.

Me - In an excited fashion I say "oh do show!"

He whips out his cell phone. The sun was sort of bright so I couldn't see it that well, but it looked like a guy holding a water bottle imitating his peen.

Me - Is that a water bottle?

Him - no! Look at it.

Me - Oooooh. When did they pull out the vibrator?

Because you know at this point, I'm hoping they do it again so I can get a picture. The guy and I talk for a little while then he says "you know that one person in the yellow is a girl. I thought it was a boy, but it isn't. It's a girl.

I quickly check the guys crotch.

Me - No, that is a guy.

Him - No I think it's a girl.

Me - he's got a sack. That is a boy.

Him - No I think it a transsexual.

Him - No. Look at him. He's got an Adam's apple.

It went on like this for a while. He was still convinced that guy was a girl. Even funnier is that he was all transfixed on the tyranny thing, but refused to say the word vibrator. And he was a really young guy.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Two tea parties. One day.

You know I've been to a bunch of these. It gets harder and harder to get unusual stuff. The East Bay tea party was way - way bigger. Which wouldn't have been so bad, but the way they funneled traffic in sucked. The only reason I didn't completely loose it was because when we were getting out - someone decided to open one of the side gates. Otherwise it might have taken me an hour just to get out of the parking lot.

The San Jose tea party was way, way smaller. Missing were immigration advocates and Lyndon LaRouche people. Maybe those guys have just given up. Most of these are from San Jose. Except for this one.

You know I had to ask him if he was a 70's guy. Also funny? That is such an excepted term now - he knew exactly what I meant.


College Republicans? Naaaa.

I have other stuff - but I'm tired. I've been all over the valley.
U know a tea party is big when I just found parking and Im already pissed off.

Nothing can get them down.

Awh. Wall Street. Gotta love them. I'm starting to wonder if they are going to try and keep this market up until the election. Which would be impressive. Summer is a hard market to keep up. The whole sell in May go away, thing.

Rising unemployment doesn't bother them.
Surging housing repos don't bother them.
40 Mil on food stamps doesn't bother them.
34 states borrowing unemployment funds don't bother them.
Expected surging layoffs from states having to close budgets don't bother them.
A Greek default doesn't bother them. Oh yeah. You thought that was over. Turns out no one believes the EU is going to lend them money, so until they do - their bonds are still effed. Just being a cosinger isn't apparently enough.
Commercial vacancy rates don't bother them.
Stagnant wages don't bother them.

Sales numbers are up though. I don't know how the eff that is happening.

I'm starting to believe wall street is a little like rabbits. They hide the injury until they can't hide it anymore. Then they cave.

Still - they have to keep it up right? That way President Money Bags's people can come on all the shows and say "look, Wall street doesn't think things are bad". And everyone listens to them.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Ocean Breaths Salty.

I have to admit - it trips me out to walk up to a government building and see they've stopped mowing the lawn. They must be on an every two weeks schedule now.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

This is my reward.

Obviously the government isn't doing their job well enough - because the notification indicated there were still a few things that I wasn't getting killed in taxes on.

I'm sure next year - it will flat out say "you paid taxes on everything". If I'm lucky enough to still have any money. Or a desire to even make money.

Starve the beast.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Stop chump.

I should probably get a better shot of this when conditions improve.

Rainy day music.

Secondary choice. Can't embed.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I found out where all the people were.

I was going to go take pictures of Lego villages today. I figured it would be something I could breeze through, and get some content for the blog.

We arrived at 2:00. In epic rain. Only to find out there was a two hour line to get in, and they'd shut the line down. I assume, because the thing closed at 4:00. So the last people in line would get in, just as the event was closing up.

I was not going to wait in a two hour line with everyones kids to get in.

I have a feeling all summer long things are going to be like this. 5 bucks to get in. You can't take your kids anywhere for that price. Must remember to take that into account.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

But, where are the bums suppose to go?

On the Sunol grade.

This whole thing happened really randomly. Traffic was completely backed up. We were sure there was an accident somewhere. We came upon what looked like a accident, but not the one that was clogging the road.

We were in the slow lane. Because that is the only way to get around the Bay Area fast. (Seriously. The slow lane always goes much faster than the fast lanes.) I was rubber necking the accident which looked like a little fender bender - when I saw a guy with a high end video camera on the hill with about ten people. Then I saw the billboard.

Me - Mr S., Pull over. Pull over. Pull over.

Luckily there was an off ramp right there. I walk back about a hundred feet so I can get a clean shot. This is also exactly where the fender bender is. By this time Mr S. has caught up with me. The twentysomething guys who were in the accident all of a sudden turn to us and say "What's this about?".

Mr S. - It's about voting people out of congress.

Other guy - Oooh. I thought it was about bums. I was wondering where they were going to put the bums? I thought it was a little mean. I'm not against giving them change now and then, but sheesh.

Me - No - it's just about the election.

As a side note - this week when the Tea Party announced they put together a federation to dispel the rumors they were disorganised. The only thing I could think of was "rumors". That is a fact. I constantly try to find these guys events, and if you aren't on the right mailing list or twitter feed you can't find crap. Sometimes even if you are, they don't even show. Or if they do, it's like 5 people. I thought they wanted publicity. And seriously, I don't want to have to be on your mailing list. But I will come and take pictures.

Friday, April 09, 2010

Every day I see this - it means something different to me.

Your mileage may vary.

I probably won't have much this weekend. But who knows. When I think I will have something great - it turns out to be shit. And when I think I have nothing - something funny happens. It's called being flexible People.

Mostly I'm going to get my taxes finished. And thankfully - it doesn't look like my state will be going bankrupt before I get my refund. Figures I would have a refund when things get all crazy. I try to make sure that never happens. A refund I mean. Last year was crazy though. What can I say.

Then bunny spa. For the bunnies. With possible bun-gina cleanings. Thankfully that doesn't need to happen very often. I always console myself that at least I don't have to drain a dogs ass. Bunny scent glands are a breeze compared to that.

Then garden crap. My toms are at the point where they want to be put in the ground. I'm going all technicolor this year. Pink,black,green and normal red ones. Honestly, I have a crazy kink for purple vegi's. Though not eggplant. I'm putting in purple soy beans this year. Onions I've been putting in for a week or two. Oh yeah. For all the bitching about hating mother earth - I go all organic and crap. Yep. That's me. Hypocrite! The difference is - I don't care if you put agent orange on whatever you grow. Your choice.

Which brings me to comment on soybean farmers. Oh! Those guys have an effing job. I swear to you - when I plant them, I have to go out with the flash light at night for weeks trying to keep the pill bugs from eating them. A completely crazy act, and I'm sure the neighbors think I'm completely insane. But, what are you going to do?

By the end of the weekend though - I do hope I'll get something interesting for you. Becuase I know the only reason you come here is to be entertained.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Crazy creeps in.

I don't talk about my relationships much here. I don't need to share everything with the world. Yet, there is one bit of dysfunction in my life that is worth talking about. I can't seem to rid myself of it. Normally I try to cut those people out like a cancer. I grew up in dysfunction - so, my tolerance is low.

It's my renter. Oh yeah. That guy.

Last month, things had gotten as bad as they could be. And, I've wanted to evict that guy a million times. A million! In a stronger market, that guy would have been gone so quick his head would spin.

I mean, things were bad enough that I told him I thought he was a chronic liar. He and I have known each other for maybe 6,7 years. So, it wasn't just like telling someone you didn't know they were a liar. Obviously I would have cut him out of my circle much sooner if I had this opinion years earlier.

Still, until he stops paying rent altogether - I can't serve him.

This month, he pays on time. For him. I'm just super happy I don't have to spend all month being pissed. I go on with my life.

This morning he texts me asking how we are doing. Normally I might have just texted him back. But since I'd basically laid him bare last month I decided to call. And, he just wants to shoot the shit. Like old times.

On one hand I think this is the perfect example of how guys are. You can tell them they are skeeby liars one day, and you are having a beer the next. Chicks don't get that kind of shit.

Now sure, he isn't going to get just anyone on the planet to let him pay whenever the fuck he wants. Yet, he doesn't really have to put out any effort for that. He knows the laws of California are as much as I do.

So the whole thing just makes my brain hurt. I just don't know why he always has to take the hard road. All he has to say is - dude, things are rough this month I need a little extra time. Yet he won't. He has to make it into this whole big drama.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010


I just want to refer back to this post I made in March about her douchebaggery. Still, even I didn't expect her to be more liberal than governor moonbeam.

I know you can replace me. You have the whole internet!

I really am trying to find you interesting stuff to see, or read. I was up in the city yesterday, and there wasn't even one thing I found interesting. In the whole city!

Oh! Unless you think metal palm trees are interesting. I think this guy is trying to supplement his income. It started out with one tree a few months back, and now he has a bunch of them in the front yard. Occasionally I see him holding a yard sale. Which I'm guessing is a way to get out of being an actual business. Yet, I find the whole thing a little weird, because he knows we have real palm trees on every block. Right? In the summer time, they don't look much different than these metal ones.

As a matter of a fact, there was a small one at my house when I moved in a couple of years ago. I never got around to taking it out because it was so small. Now it's become all invasive. Sending out shoots everywhere. Now I have to put the clampdown in it.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Saturday, April 03, 2010

As much fun as riding a train in India.

Maybe you were sitting home today thinking - damn, instead of cramming my face with chocolate Easter bunnies - I should have made it up to wondercon in San Fransisco. This handy three minute video will save you all the guilt. My voice is the one who says "I'm screwed. Totally screwed". It was so packed you could barely see anything. I finally had to bail without even walking a quarter of the show space. I don't really think anyone was having much fun. Any time you would mutter how ridiculous it was - you'd get people chiming in. Mr S. recounted that just saying the word "man" in an exasperated way would get commiseration.

The cult of Steve.

To be sure - it is nice to see this again.

I'm pretty ambivalent on the iPad. The only thing I really feel about it is - that it will be awkward to hold. If the maniacal incessant touch capabilities on your cell phone don't make you want to smash it to death - by all means. I'm sure the IPad will be great.

Here - look at this article. Fuck! I brushed the touch feature. Let me get that page back.

Then again....people never thought the Kindle would be adopted. Even me, early on.

Who even cares. It's new.

Friday, April 02, 2010

Oh - the light bulbs are just starting to go off?

Hands down, what is going on in L.A. is one of the most fascinating life lessons. I think it falls under that category of - no shit Sherlock.

Remember I've been talking to you about how the L.A. Department of Water and Power are locked in this battle to raise electricity rates from 9-28%? Well, rate payers finally found a clue, and started freaking out about how much it will cost them. Duh.

This made the city council attempt a compromise by voting in a 4.5% increase. DWP basically said "hell no!". The increase needs to be at least 5.7% or we aren't going to give you the 73 million we owe you. You know - the money you claim you need to prevent the city from going bankrupt.

On the DWP side, they are sort of locked into these new air quality standards. So they need to start getting these boondoggles of green energy projects they installed with reckless abandon up and running. And, they need to start getting people to pay for them. I'm sure somehow they just thought they'd find some way to pay for it eventually.

Except the inconveniences of life got in the way. Namely a crushing recession. Now they can't hide the ways they would normally pay for these types of things. Like shuffling money around from account to account so people don't really notice where the money is coming from. Or that the projects are far from cost effective.

Now the public doesn't want to pay a 25% increase. Oddly, President Money Bags told us that was going to happen. "Prices would necessarily skyrocket". Isn't that what he said? I think 25% hits that mark.

It will be really interesting to see how this turns out. You can read about it here.


I was going to have a different post for you - but blogger ate it. Which hasn't happened in a while. Yet still sucks.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

It should be simple.

I can't even believe I'm going to talk about this here. I guess it is sort of a step.

The think I thing most people can agree on with me is - I'm a fairly guarded personality. I know the reasons why. I don't need to be analysed. Maybe eventually I will share it with you.

Some days it bothers me more than others. It doesn't always mean you can easily change it.

In one case - it has started bothering me quite a bit though. With my oldest girlfriend.

I've never been the type of person who says "I love you" casually. I know a lot of people do. I just don't. This thing started kinda gradually. A few years ago occationally she would tell me she loved me when our conversations ended. I didn't expect it. I mean, we never said it all the years we were growing up. We never said it later. All of a sudden she just started saying it. So, it caught me off guard. Sometimes I would hazard a quick "I love you too". But, a lot of times we'd already said out goodbyes and it seems awkward.

Lately though, she's been saying it every time.

A while back I was talking to Mr S. about it, and said - I should really just say it. Because, I really do love her. It just seems so hard to say now. I mean, I feel it in my stomach style hard.

I mean, I enjoy people. I can hug them easily. Yet, these three words seem really hard to say. Although, it does take me a really long time to love people. I'm not going to lie.

I know what the right thing to do is. I'm just surprised at what a physical response I get from it. Even though I do really mean it.

That is all.