Clops

Well... I thought I'd give you an update on Jane Doe. This is how she's looking now.



Most of her hair has grown in. I think it would have grown in quicker - but they gave her some savage razor burn.

I thought it would bother me more. Having a one eyes pet and all. Yes.. I'm that shallow. But - it's actually turning out fine. It is so much nicer to not have the constant stress of which day is going to be "the day" we need to rush her to emergency. Or the thought in the back of your mind you'd wake up one morning and the eye had exploded. We of course were managing her - but everything with bunnies happens fast.

I even took the stitches out myself with Mr. S holding her. Because, I'm back to thinking I can perform surgery.

Stitches - apparently not as easy as I thought to remove. It took me three days.

We also found out that Willow isn't dependant on her at all. He was completely "meh" about being without her for two weeks. Apparently he's not that into her! We found it kinda sad. They've been together for years, and he basically ignored her for days after we put them back together.

The odd things I think.

"RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) - The body of a Brazilian priest who floated out over the ocean suspended by hundreds of helium-filled party balloons, has been found off the coast of southeastern Brazil, police have confirmed. "

Right after this guy took off, Mr S. and I were sitting in bed talking about it. Mr S. seemed to think the whole things was a fine idea. Just fine. Ala Mythbusters. But then, he also sends me weekly updates on how strapping twin turbines to his ass is a good idea too.

Please people. Urge him to stop. Between that and superconductors he's making me crazy.

Anyway.. I thought the whole balloon idea was horrible. And this made Mr S. very curious as to why. So - I spent the next hour trying to convince him.

Me - Well.. what if you float too high and wind up in space?

Of course this made him roll his eyes.

Him - you'd never get into space. The air in the balloons would slowly release and cause you to come down.

Me - Well.. where would you go to the bathroom?

This is where I found his weakness. So I continued.

What if you were up there and had a heart attack and died. Then wound up in someones back yard.

Ohh! What if you were struck by lightening? Or a plane flew into you. I know! Tornado's. What if you got caught in a tornado? Flew into a mountain and landed on a cactus? Static electricity! The urge for self gratification? Pterodactyls. Hail storm?

It went on like that for a while.

Update: Oh yeah. I forgot. A swarm of locusts.

The non happenings.

I bet you all thought you'd tune in this morning for some great pictures, and stories about annoying people. Instead all you got was a princetastic Jaguar. Well, this is the reason why. I was involved in the mundane this weekend.

I'm not sure what motivates me sometimes. Maybe it was because I spent 12 dollars on grated Parmesan cheese. You know.. the kind you put on spaghetti. Or that my water bills have gone up 50%, and now they are threatening to hike electricity and gas. And maybe perhaps air. I'm not sure.

Anyway, I freaked out and put in a call to the people who deliver firewood. I didn't even think they would be open this early in the season, but two days later - it all sat in a heap in my driveway. So full - I had to park on the lawn. All white trashy like.

My excitement over saving money on the wood quickly turned into "who's f-ing brilliant idea was this". Stacking a cord of firewood seems like a pretty easy task. Like yoga. Right?

The first day started out in a methodical puzzle building activity. I have to make the most of my stacking space. I don't live on a farm after all. By day two, it turned into a "just put this shit anywhere" event. And by the end of that day I'd felt thoroughly spanked. You all realise its the middle of summer right? Always a brilliant idea to spend two days in the mid 90's doing physical labor.

At any rate - I now have more firewood than is legally permitted in California. You think I'm joking! They actually passed a law this year where they can ban you from burning firewood on certain days. We'll see how that goes.

That just screams - I'm a tard.

Oh yes Readers.. it's a Jaguar! I so wanted to hang around and see who - or what was driving it. Maybe Rainbow Bright. And those wheels. How did they get out of the tire shop without being laughed at? Honestly. How?

Should I feel insulted my spam thinks it's better than me?

Excerpt:

"My warm greetings to you. Do take this email as a contribution to fate. This is not an easy task and that is the main reason why I contacted you after viewing your profile from the internnational directory. Not actually that you are the best with my intellectual grading but I was driven to contact you from the innermost being. And that was my main reason for getting to you. Please do not be offended. I will understand completely if you cannot be of assistance to me. "

I dont know about you - but Nigerian spam has been off the chart this week. But I found this one kinda funny.

You know how I love to bitch about dogs.

Sometimes I think when I'm a little old lady, I'm gonna just hang out somewhere and talk about the stuff I see. I could call it Stories from a Park bench. That of course is the nice title. You know.. when people aren't driving me crazy. Which is really a 50/50 toss up. Well - also because "Get out my F-ing Way, and "I want to punch you in the Throat" sounds unpleasant. We all know little old ladies are kind. Right?

Anyway... back at the museum. We'd gotten our tickets for the event, and had some time to burn. So we decided to walk around the grounds because there is a bunch of artsy stuff there. Mr S. wanted to go look at some new douchebaggy green city building. So we could mock it of course.

It is one of those buildings with a lawn on top of the roof. And don't get me wrong, I'm not a roof expert - but trapped water isn't very good for them. I think all those projects are going to end up costing more in repair than most of the benefits they claim. I find the lawn roofs especially annoying.

So - we are about a football field away from the museum and I can hear this dog barking. Back at the DeYoung this dog is still barking. Non stop. I finally rhetorically say "who's f-ing dog is that"? Because even though it was a public place, you can't imagine someone letting their dog do that.

We walk around trying to find out where the incessant barking is coming from, and as we are approaching the dog - he gets untied. He then makes it to the front doors of the museum. Where he just camps out and barks. You think I'm joking!



Most everyone coming out of the building attempts to get the dog to stop. He doesn't. I hang out taking pictures for a couple minutes, and finally get bored.

If he didn't look in such good shape I would have been convinced they were abandoning him because he wouldn't shut the hell up.

You know I'm gonna take pictures!

I was just sitting down with my coffee this morning when I hear a giant bang against the glass slider. We've had birds fly into the glass before. I even have a picture of one of my windows with the perfect silhouette of a bird. So I didn't think much about it when I went to investigate. Normally they just get up and fly away. But, this bird had been flying like it didn't realise a building existed at all.

So.. I look down - and he is laying there. I think "ah man.. I've only had two sips of coffee - I don't want to deal with this yet"! Because of his shattered state I'm sure he has broken his neck. But he is still breathing and blinking. I'm sure he will expire at any moment. So I start asking Mr S. if he is going to get rid of his body. Cause that's men's work. Of course.

After about 5 minutes it becomes clear that he is just going to malinger on. Forcing me to have to consider putting it out of its misery, or let it die a slow painful death.

In general I'm not a big fan of messing with nature. I believe in evolution, and that if you keep coddling animals - what happens when humans can't take care of them anymore? That's right! The species collapses.

Since he isn't dead yet... I might as well move him out of the sun. Right? I go back to check on him every 15 minutes or so. And the little bastard hasn't died yet. This goes on for about a half an hour. So I decide to find a stick and roll him over. He is kind of able to keep rested on his legs. While he isn't moving his neck, it doesn't look broken to me. Or else he would have just fallen right over. Right?



I go back out every 15 minutes to check on him. The sun is starting to shine on him again. So I just pick him up and move him to the shade. Screw the stick.

The next time I check on him, he's finally moving his head a little. And the next time he's up on his feet and looking kind of okay. Okay.. so maybe he isn't going to die yet. But it looks like his wing is broken. So I've saved him from baking in the sun, but he's just going to starve to death. He runs to a safe place in the yard, and I debate my evolution stance. What am I gonna do? Take this bird to the vet. Ridiculous. My actual pets are already robbing me blind with vet bills. Besides.. smart birds would learn not to fly into glass. But that's just me.

An hour later I go to check on him and he is gone. Either he got his act together - something ate him, or he found another place to die. Even though I looked for his body everywhere. I mean, he was well enough to run from me the last time I saw him.

It's a good thing I didn't club him to put him out of his misery. I choose to think he snapped out of it and flew to safety.

Empty

Remember a couple of weeks ago I was surprised at how many people were on the roads despite high gas prices? Well, this weekend - not so much. I'd never seen the city (San Fransisco) so empty. Or the freeways so clear. I actually found it uncomfortable. Which surprised me. I guess there is some level of people I like.

The other thing that surprised me is that I have much less crowd rage when other people are more annoyed than me.

Mr S. and I were waiting in line to get up to this observation deck at the DeYoung. You had to take an elevator to get there and the woman manning it was barking at people to not crowd the elevators. "10 people only" she said. She wasn't actually bothering me - because I get progressively more intolerant as the day goes on. The observation deck was one of the first things we did. But, apparently the two linebacker gays to the back of us had a problem with it.

The fact that they were gay has nothing to do with the story. I just love completely normal gays. Everyone has to be "fabulous" these days, and it's somewhat irritating.

So anyway.. the guys starting making comments about how bitchy the elevator girl was. I agreed and we all had a good laugh.

Coming down from the deck our elevator was at capacity. 10 people as requested. When the elevator stopped. The door opened and a couple of women tried to get in. Another guy on our elevator politely told the woman we were full. Which made her just push her way in. Once she was in, the guy again tried to tell her we were only suppose to have 10 people in the car. She snapped back "you can have 12 people in these cars". Instead of just letting it go - like I would have - he tried again. This time she copped a total attitude and barked "well, we want to go home too". I mean, who wants to wait anther 2 minutes for another car?

At any rate.. it made me realise that I think so many mean things in my head. But, I normally just suffer in silence. It actually bugs the crap out of Mr S. that I don't just tell people "I know you want to spend all day caressing the products - but you are in my way".

For the art crowd.

To tell you the truth - I'm not much into art. I mean... it's fine. Nice to look at. Just not my thing. But, I loves me some blown glass!

So we went to the Chihuly exibit today. I have stories - but for now..... pictures.















I did get pictures of the ceiling without people. But, I was oddly fascinated with people taking pictures with their arms completely outstretched. It wasn't the habit itself, but the amount of people doing it. It just looked odd. All these people with arms over their heads.

It's obvious we are on the top of the food chain.

I know the blog has been a little light the last couple of weeks. Hold on. I should have something interesting for you this weekend.

For now though, I'll tell you about how I still hate people.

With people staying closer to home and spending less money - you would think I would be in a much more tolerant place. Yeah.. not so much. Even I'm amazed that people could become more annoying in a down economy. It's like they are being paid to loiter in public places to make the world seem busier than it actually is. I mistakenly think - if less people are spending money, I should be able to get through lines more quickly. The opposite has been the case, and right now I just want to punch a few of them in the throat.

Like the guy at the office supply store that waited until he was completely rung up to ask the checker if they had batteries. Mind you I have one item, and I'm paying cash. But, I had to wait for this guy to go half way across the store to choose batteries. I swear to you - I had fantasies of beating him with my ream of paper. When he hot back, he didn't even say sorry for holding up the line.

Or the people who insist on walking down the middle of the driving isle in parking lots. Even though they've seen you. The seem incapable of crossing to one side or the other so I can drive past them. They don't even f-ing speed up or anything.

One of my new projects is going to be getting cell phone video of these people. Which seems super lame. But, I just can't believe how oblivious people have become to cars in the last few years. You have to see it to believe it. I swear to you - today while I waited, this old guy walked 300 feet down the middle of the isle to his car.

If there were any animals that ate humans, they could leisurely just walk up and just take any of these people out. They wouldn't even have to run or anything.

And lastly - I'm hating these super chirpy Raisins girls. I made a reservation yesterday where the chick said "excellent!" 11 times in a 20 second reservation call.

Her - How many people are in your party.

Me - 2.

Her - EXCELLENT! What is your name.

Me - (gives name)

Her - GREAT!

Me - (Rolls eyes)

That has got to be a really bad idea.

I've been in some drama the last couple of days. I've been debating talking about it on the blog - because when I tell you, I know you'll gasp.

Get it out of the way now. Yes! Before you know what it is. I have to prepare you. I'll wait.

For the record, I know this sounds like a bad idea. I'm sure it will end in something horrible. Got it. Having said that - I also know that I can't -not- talk about it forever. I might as well set the ground story and move forward.

This is what it is. I've become a landlord. My roofer is living in my crapshack. Partly due to the real estate market, and partly because my roofer all of a sudden is going through a messy divorce. Back story here.

I could have rented the house to almost anyone. You literally can not find a rental in my city. But we chose him because he is a metro yuppy roofer. Well.. maybe that's not accurate. We chose him because the house he and his wife used to own was perfectly maintained. A big beautiful house with copper gutters. Which is completely not normal for this climate. That should tell you something. I have about as good of a chance of him f-ing it up as anyone.

Anyway, much of the week has been taken up by anxiety of having to make someone who is a quasi friend sign a lease agreement. Yeah... I lawyered up. He was fine about it, but it was just all shades of awkward for me. I wanted to say "I trust you - you'd never screw me". But, I have trust issues.

Oh! Did I mention - when I said "messy divorce" he and his wife had just pulled restraining orders on each other? No? Yeah.. I'm mentioning it now.

Strike a pose.

Sometimes Readers - I wish I was way more bold. The kind of bold that most of the world is, and I'm apparently not.

A couple of days ago, I was at a sandwich shop. I'm at the counter picking up my phone order. In walks a guy. From my peripheral vision - I swear to you, all I could see was his package. To this day, I can't remember a thing about his face or the rest of his body. I'm not sure I ever looked at anything else on the guy - because I immediately became focused on trying to get a picture of him.

Did he have a ginormous package? Well.. no. Normally it would have been an unremarkable package. But it was all visible (I wish you could see hand gestures) because he was wearing the teeny tiniest shorty shorts ever. On a guy. Making it so your eye immediately focused towards his crotch. It was like he was wearing tidy whiteys. Imagine where the ball sack rides on most males, and you'll know where the shorts stopped.

Immediately my eyes widen, and I think "oh girl - really"? Because you know a straight guy would never wear that. Then I think "crap, if I don't get a picture of this guy, when I talk about him on my blog I just seem like an asshole". I mean, its the Bay Area. Every third person is gay, so that isn't the issue. But, they aren't all wearing teeny tiny shorty shorts with their crotch acting like a lighthouse beacon.

Anyway... I look around and the store is so small - I start devising all sorts of ways I can get a shot of him without drawing his attention. He is in line behind me at this point - and all I can think about is "take a picture - take a picture". But now I'd have to get out of line, which by nature draws attention.

After a little bit of searching and mathematical calculation of my odds of getting my ass kicked, I see a corner where I could take the shot un-noticed. But I was too late. One of the store workers also thought the shorty shorts were picture worthy. And that bitch was in my spot. At any rate.. I never got a shot of him. Which was a real bummer.

I seriously have to work on my stealth cell phone picture taking abilities. Don't people know that if they wear shit like that, there is someone like me dying to post it all over their blog?

Speling is rbitrary.

Okay people. What is happening to our society?

Over the past six months, I've noticed a precipitous fall of language. Ranging from people using words that aren't really words - but are close enough that it leaves you stumped for a minute to try to find the meaning. Sometimes its a mash up of two words. Which I can adapt to. Geeks love combining words. Like guestimation.

But more commonly lately, it's words that clearly people don't know how to pronounce, and they just make shit up. Here is an example.



See this is the issue. I was convinced immediately this was a spelling error. Which says a lot - because you all know I'm illiterate. I was so focused on the word "vulue" - initially I didn't even notice the other spelling error. Mr S. on the other hand was convinced the store was using some slang for their customer base.

I was so curious, I had to ask one of the workers who was entering the store.

Me - excuse me... what's a vulue customer?

Worker - barely acknowledges me and says " I don't know". Then brushes past me.

What does it say about our work force when they are oblivious to what "valued" customers are?

This is the thing - I wouldn't consider myself one of the greats of writing or spelling. I'm sure I have a trillion grammar mistakes in this post. But, I worry about the productivity of our nation when language is so quickly becoming such a hodge podge of non words.

How do we continue to operate on a business level when so many people don't even understand the words they are saying - or in this case writing? It is one thing to speak or write in your native language to friends - or even use text speak... but shouldn't there be one or two or five business languages?

I live - I return.

Things have been stressful, and instead of crying about it, I just had to take some time off. Thanks for all the nice thoughts about Janey - will give an update soon. And, I hope to plug out a post later today about other things I found amusing this week.

Yeah.

I'm pretty much on house arrest. Annoying, annoying house arrest. First of all, its nine trillion degrees outside. Is there any numbers above trillion? Because that is what it's suppose to get to for the next 24-36 hours. Oh, the smoke is also back. Makes me feel really happy my tax dollars are being spent on those clean air standards - which are... ah... fucked. Most probably for at least another month.

They are saying tomorrow they will declare a stage 2 power emergency. Which I totally believe. Briefly, we lost power yesterday. Which is why when I see all those news reports about all the shit they are going to plug in to save mother earth - I just get really annoyed. Of course you can plug in your car, but grandma down the street gets to die because we just had a brown out and its 110 degrees. Which seems really dramatic, but our neighborhood was without power for a couple of days in a heatwave two years ago. And we were lucky. So I'm a little jittery we're going to have to bug out to a hotel. Which sounds like a luxury, but is a real hassle. Jane has just settled down from surgery, and the last thing I want to do is relocate her.

Jane seems to be doing better today. I don't think she ate the whole time she was in the hospital. She was coned up the whole time. So - much time has been spent trying to get her system going. She decided that she wouldn't eat anything that wasn't handed to her. A little like a welfare bun. She's got another thing coming if she thinks she gets to die anytime in the next year. Eye surgery was spendy, and counting depreciation - I think she has to live for 2 year to feel like I'm getting my moneys worth.

She was also fairly traumatised by the cone. As soon as we got her out of the building - I took it off, she almost collapsed in relief. All that touching of her whiskers bugged her out. I think it probably bothered her more than them stealing her eye.

So... that's my surly post for today. I'd like to say I'm going to be in a better mood tomorrow, but I'm going out on a limb and saying I doubt it. We are suppose to get into "record setting territory". But, maybe I'll get some pictures of people collapsing or something.

Not for the squeemish.

Today we went out to see Jane. I think this might be only the second time in recorded bunny history that we've left anyone. So, even though I knew she'd be all drugged up, I thought it's make her feel less depressed and a little more secure we were coming back to get her.

She looked a little worse than I expected. I can understand why they keep them for a couple of days. The shaving makes her look like she has a Cinnamon babka on her eye. The cone is driving her crazy. Plus, I'm a little concerned her gut isn't moving the way it should because she isn't able to eat until they take it off. So instead of grazing all day, she overall is eating less often.





Willow her mate seems to be handling the whole thing really well. We thought he might get depressed. Jane is not his first mate, but he is really dependant on her. But we gave him a towel that smells like her.. and he seems completely fine.

It's been stressful, but overall I haven't freaked out. Well, until this morning when we got an early call from the vet. He was just calling to say everything was fine. But it was unexpected, so Mr S. and I both thought Jane had caved overnight. Bunnies turn feet up really quickly. But, she made it through the first 24 hours.. and it looks like they are giving her round the clock care.

The next bit should be all about the cone. Which should be interesting. In a sarcastic way.

Independence.

Your gonna poke your eye out!

The hazard of bunnies - is everything can be fine one day, the next, not so much. And, it's even better if its an extended holiday weekend. That makes them laugh and laugh.

So this morning we woke up and Jane's eye was obviously having a problem. Her white margins were really red. She was keeping it closed. For an hour we debated on weather we could do something, or if we should just take her in.

We decided to separate her from Willow because he was licking her eye, and we hoped that was the cause for the extra inflammation. Within about a half hour we realised she had to see a vet. She was having a ton of discharge, and Willow was masking it by keeping the area clean.

We knew our vet was closed. But we didn't know about back up emergency vet was also closed. So, we had to hunt around for someone who had a rabbit vet on staff today. This was doubly sucky, because we already knew there was a good chance we were at a point of no return with the eye. It always fun having to take your pet in for major surgery to a doctor you've never seen before.

Eventually we found a rabbit vet 30 miles away. And Jane is there now. The eye can't be saved. She will be there for two days. Sucks.

That makes a statement.

My fence project was going so well. No drama. So, of course you know that couldn't last.

My guys were wrapping up. While we were settling the bill, fence guy goes "your neighbor to the corner came out and said you needed a permit for a fence that high".

Whaaat? Was he mad, I asked? No, he said. But, I've dealt with neighbors long enough to know they are petty, petty people.

Normally I'm permit happy - but this is a fence for sucks sake. Technically you need a permit to even change a light fixture - I'm not getting a permit for a fence.

This is the deal with the fence. At the tallest point the fence is slightly less than 7 feet. I guess they are suppose to be only six feet - but I didn't really think about it because people have six foot fences with 2 feet of lattice.

Mr S. already told cheap ass neighbor we were going to build it a foot higher. But corner neighbor didn't really know. I thought we only shared 15 feet of fence, but it turns out it is about 35 feet. But, I'm still not asking him to pay anything.

And honestly, I'd be more sympathetic if I was spoiling their view of something. Crazy corner neighbor has 20 foot tall privet trees that span the whole length of the fence. Cheap ass neighbor only gets a view my my two story house. And while I understand why they have these rules, I think a six foot max height is ridiculous. Any neighbor over six feet is able to see over your fence line at all times.

And yeah....maybe my 7 foot fence was a slight over-reaction. But you know.. I have pets too. Maybe I'd like them to use their own back yard without the fear of a hunting dog jumping the fence. How selfish of me.

At any rate... I'm all in a bunch about it. My guys say that if the building department sees it, they will make me lower it. We'll see how that goes.

As a side note - last night after the fence was up Mr S. and I had the following conversation.

Me - remember when we moved into this house and we went over to ask Cheap Ass Neighbor if he minded if we trimmed the privets that hung over onto our side of the property?

Him - yeah.

Me - Why didn't they tell us those privets didn't even belong to them? I mean.. why would you just say "yes, and not say "those trees don't even belong to us - go ask Crazy Corner Neighbor"?

A sign of the times.

Since my fence project so far is going non-eventfully - I thought I'd take this time to talk about the downfall of society. And how evolution is going to turn us into short stubby tyrannosaurus like creatures with small beady eyes. Because, we aren't really going to need that peripheral vision that kept us safe for centuries. The new world only exists in the three foot radius surrounding your smart phone.

This old timey rant is brought on by these girls.



I'm not sure if I should put something like a "why in my day - we actually looked at each other". It just strikes me that we really are loosing so many interpersonal skills. And this shot sort of exemplifies it.

This isn't to say I myself don't love texting to death. It's great for having brief conversations. Not replacing conversation altogether. Which is what seems to be happening.

It also might explain why no one can get a pedestrian to cross the street in any fashion that recognises that a car wants to run their asses over if they don't get a move on. Perhaps... they just can't see them.