Thursday, March 31, 2011

Rules to live next to.

When you move into a new house, the first neighbor to come up to you and tell you who the crazy neighbors are - is the crazy one.

I haven't talked to my one neighbor much. They are about a generation older than me. They are into the arts and opera... and well - you get the picture. Our interests don't overlap.

And there was that general avoidance because the neighbor to the front of me said they were strange. All I need is more strange people. So, off the list.

Turns out they are the most awesome neighbors. I mean, we aren't besties now or anything - but the whole fence thing with them has been really pleasant. It might even be my best fence experience, evar. Intentionally misspelled.

Which is saying a lot. My fence has been down for a week, and I'm not annoyed by them. Mark it on your calendar this day in history.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

What is a girl to do about man code?

This morning I woke up and my renter had sent me this image. Caption - they finally found a bill to stick his picture on.

We haven't' exactly been on friendly texting terms.


I didn't grow up with any men. No brothers. No fathers. There was my Uncle, but he didn't even know how to BBQ. Which is like a man basic. If you can't even BBQ you are not a man. Google it.

My mom had boyfriends. They were just hangers on though. Temporaries. Not good role models.

Over time I've grown to really enjoy how men relate to each other. Simple. Direct. Except when it comes to conflict. There I've learned men can do anything they want. As long as you can hit each other, everything is forgiven.

This presents a problem. Obviously, men and women can't do this. And anyway - women don't really understand that shit. We don't hit each other. Men however still think - if I was an asshole to you and we are still talking, things must be okay.

I think Mr S. said something about a man statute of limitations.

So if you don't file a grievance by hitting them, it's like nothing ever happened. Which is great if you are a guy. Because you know most likely women are not going to hit you. Limiting your negative consequences. And sure.... a lot of women will yell. Who cares about that though. All men see is, the lips are moving but no sound comes out.

Why does any of this matter anyway? Well.. somehow I have to find a way to step back from a shit pile. I can't hit the guy. But, I think I'm running up against the statute of limitations, and he wont stop trying to be friends. No matter how much a of a wall he hits.

Normally I'm quite the runner. I've dropped people for much less than this. Yet I haven't dropped him. And I don't quite know why.

Maybe it's because his mom was mentally ill like mine. It is kind of a bond. You can't just talk to anyone about such things. Especially in unicorn ally. Where just being positive wishes everything away. Or you get the other emotion. Pity.

At this point is seems obvious I'm not getting rid of him. But, I should get to punch him. A guy punch. Maybe that would make me feel better and put this whole thing behind us.

Monday, March 28, 2011

I'm frightened. President Money War Bags finally found the camera.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Ferraribirds are not bad ass.

They are funny. I can't always get you an Aston. Sometimes you get this.

This guy does get creativity points though. Who could have thought some guy was day dreaming about making his Firebird into a Ferrari.

I think he should have lowered that car. To help with the overall image.

For 13.7 - this car could be yours. Yes - almost 14 grand.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Thursday, March 24, 2011

When it rains...

I probably haven't driven by my crapshack in a year and a half. I did today.

We are having a ton of rain, and that place came close to flooding once.

It looked good. He's taking care of the place. Which shocked me, but made me really relieved. Every time I'd think about driving by, I'd get a knot in the pit of my stomach. I just didn't want to be aggravated. I figured I would deal with that madness when he moved.

The thing is - he hasn't moved. For all the hell he's put me through, it will soon be three years since he moved in. Three years. Hell, there hasn't been even a day - that I haven't wanted to kick him out. No - not one.

Things have been evening out the past year. Of course in guy code that means - we're all good right? Rents are going up. That makes me twichy right there.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

We are not men.

Today I rented a chainsaw. Why? Because my fence is down. Now I can cut down those trees that were annoying me. The ones preventing the fence from falling into my yard.

So I walk into the rental place and ask for a chainsaw for girls. Well, we don't have any that are pink. Not pink - I reply. I just want to be able to start it without my husband.

This means I walked out with a sissy electric chainsaw.

Here starts my rant though. I don't know why men and tool companies think that when women want to use tools, we want it to be pink. Or have a paisley print on it.

Hear that Craftsman?

I don't think women want any of those things. We want tools that are just as powerful as men's. That fit our bodies. We are women! Not pansies.

Our hands are smaller. Our center of gravity is different. We have less upper body strength. Yet, we still want to destroy things.

Monday, March 21, 2011


Joy. Said in the most sarcastic way.

A huge storm blew through on Saturday bringing down one of my fences. So Sunday I was in a pissy mood.

If you've been reading this blog for a long time - you probably know this makes me want to punch at the sky. If not, you can at least read one of the stories here. I've lived in 3 houses. Had seven neighbors. Before I leave this house I will have 9 fence repairs. If I'm lucky.

Oh yes. My neighbors here are setting records. Two neighbors will be on a second fence repair - because people are so effing cheap. Drives me nuts.

The great thing about fences is, everyone knows they are ready to fall - but they won't do anything about it until they do. So, it's this great game of hot potato. I generally try to make the fences fall on their property - because it's the only way to get them to do anything.

Whoevers' landscaping the fence is killing - is more motivated to get it fixed. Otherwise you are just shit out of luck.

I will go to great lengths to make sure the fence doesn't fall on my property. The neighbor to the back and I are waging this battle. I thought that fence would come down in the storm. But it didn't. That neighbor must have some really good kung fu going on. But the storm isn't over.

I am so raw about this fence issue - that I normally try to send Mr S. over as an ambassador. Seven neighbors I've been through this with. Seven. Two neighbors have gotten free segments just to shut them up and to get them to do what I want. Namely using pressure treated wood for stuff that touches the ground.

If you can't get a neighbor to replace a fence when it needs it, they will definitely squirm over spending a little more money on pressure treated wood. No matter that most of these neighbors are lifers in their houses, and just wind up replacing the fence again in 10 years or less. Which is way more expensive than just spending a little extra now.

At any rate. I heard my neighbor next door this morning and figured I should bite the bullet and talk to them. It's been two days. Thankfully they are the most normal neighbors I have. Which is funny. When I first moved into this place I was warned that they were the nuttiest.

He was cooperative and willing to pay to have it replaced. A good start I'd say. After all... it is down on his property! Though he did want to use all the old wood. Which I am having none of.

I'm sort of bitter that all my neighbors have lived in these houses for decades and didn't do shit to their fences. Now I've hit the fence lottery and will have to fix every single one of them. Granted I do buy houses that need work. These neighbors have already gotten some free fence from me. I've done my part.

The other interesting thing is he said he was going to submit the fence to his insurance. I don't know why these people do this. It's such a small amount, and it raises their insurance rates. Hopefully I won't be asked to do insurance fraud like the last neighbor in the link above.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

I'm not crazy.

I came back from picking up papers today to find one of the random neighbors walking around in the middle of the street in front of my house. I only know about this guy because he is really eccentric. He used to walk around the neighborhood with a cat on his shoulder wearing funny hats. We named him cat in the hat guy. Picture here.

Since the recession he upgraded to a bike. Sans cat. Still wears the goofy hats.

He wouldn't even yield to let my car past him. When I finally got into my driveway I popped out and asked him if he was okay.

Him - Does it look like I'm not okay?

Me - Well, you are parked in the middle of the street.

So in my mind I think - are looking a bit bat shit crazy. He was wandering around looking at the ground. Completely dirty, and not responding to cars wanting to pass. I thought he'd gone all Martin Lawrence.

Him - I'm looking for this ball bearing that fell off my bike.

Which should have been the very first thing out of his mouth after I asked him if he was okay.

This is my tutorial for the day on how conversations could be shorter.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

I'd squat here too.

I had to take my graphics card back today and noticed this guy was parked in the Frys parking lot again. This must be his usual spot.

It's probably really safe. And I bet it has some sort of security patrol at night. Plus it's so close to the factory air.

A couple of weeks ago, when I took this picture - the wind was blowing just right. It wafted the store smell onto you as you walked in. It was magical.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Why is Libya okay and Iraq not?

I don't get it. At least Iraq was a threat to national security. Allegedly.

And, this is coming from someone who supported the Iraq war. Didn't care about WMD. Would have dropped a few bombs just on humanitarian reasons. We were getting reports people were being put in wood chippers after all. All sorts of atrocities.

It turned out a lot of those reports probably weren't true. Likely spread by the Kurds.

Iraq changed me. I don't want to help the Libyans. Which is really hard to say. I am always in support of humanitarian aid. Always.

One some level - I don't believe the Libyans. They can get all this video out from the fighting - but very little video of deaths. Which is odd because the Arabs love to show this stuff. I've seen gun shot wounds. Some fatalities. But, nothing on the level that should invoke US action. And if it did..... why not a hundred other places too?

Mr S. thinks President Money Bags is bluffing. That PMB's is going to delay and delay and delay. Which I can agree with. Though, I think the UN called his bluff. PMB's probably thought - the UN never agrees on anything! Then bam - all of a sudden Canada and Norway are flying planes down. The ink wasn't even dry on the accord.

I just don't get why he is doing this. Has he given up on being re-elected? If he doesn't plan on doing anything - he sure has backed himself into an awkward corner.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Audi's and donuts.

When I first saw this car - I imagined this guy driving his wife nuts. The words "we can't have anything nice" popped into my head.

But then I remembered that chicks never drive these cars and therefore wouldn't see the floorboard on his side littered with crumb donut debris. Men could house their entire porn collection under the seats of these cars and women would never find it.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I don't know why they are trying to hold this market up with such strength. It is just going to sell off the whole summer. I understand them not wanting to see a cliff. Still, people are going to sell.

It would have been better if they just allowed the air to escape slowly. The way they are propping the market up now just delays the inevitable.

For an event like this - the market should be down several hundred points. I think it could end flat the way they are cramming money into it.

That is not logical at all.

Dear god.

I am always amazed that people can still believe in god in times like these. It fascinates me. I don't judge them. It gives them comfort. Why would I want to take that away from them?

Still, I think I may never understand it.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

My heart shaped rock.

This weekend I found myself at a bead and gem faire. Which is totally not my thing. But - it could be my thing. I guess. First of all - things are really sparkly there. Second - it is a queen magnet. Serious queens.

Gays have only started moving to the burbs (or at least mine) in the past few years. Not queens though. I thought it was pretty ballsy to see a guy in a mini dress. Not trying to look like women. Just straight up dudes in skirts. Normally you have to cross the hill for that kind of thing. So, I thought that was pretty interesting.

Anyway. At some point I ran across these heart shaped rocks and had a complete flashback from my childhood. As a kid I had one of these. Although mine had a divot in the center to put your thumb in. It was sort of a stress rock. When you rubbed it - it was suppose to make you feel better.

All of a sudden I wanted nothing more than that rock. At first I thought I still had it. Now I think I might have lost track of it. I don't know when. It doesn't matter.

Mr S. wanted me to buy a new one. It just isn't the same. I want the one I had as a kid. I probably haven't even thought of that thing in a decade or more. Now it's all I want.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Okay. What is going to happen to the "It Could Happen Tomorrow series"?

Friday, March 11, 2011


Stunned about Japan.

I actually was watching the coverage live last night until about 2:30 in the morning. Nothing seems appropriate to say. So, I'm just going to be inappropriate and hope for the pictures of the sea monsters.

When the Sumatra tsunami hit - we found all sorts of new interesting sea creatures.

California viewers might like this vid of the wave hitting Emeryville Ca. No destruction. Just interesting.

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Some people will stick 26" wheels on anything.

I took this a couple of days ago. Half my brain was saying - wow.... that is so tardly. So, of course the other side of my brain said - yeah.. but it isn't half bad.

It's a Lexus. If you can't tell what it is.

Monday, March 07, 2011

Things you didn't know about me. Probably.

It must have been at least five years ago since I first heard the name Temple Grandin. Probably around the time Animal Spirits came out. You might have heard of her from that Claire Danes movie.

I think at the time I became interested in her because we'd discovered that bunnies seemed to be soothed by pressure. Like cattle. It seemed counter intuitive. Their little bodies are so fragile, but in the middle of a freak out - they seemed to completely relax if you just supported them in a firmer way. They seemed to enjoy it in fact. It was perplexing to us. We thought this would invoke a fear reaction. Yet it didn't. Quite the opposite.

The other thing that captivated me was I'd never heard of a high functioning autistic before Temple. This was at the time that Jenny McCarthy was on the news every couple of days fomenting vaccination fear. It helped the news would always run a clips of despondent children banging their heads against a wall or staring out to space. I think all women everywhere feared having a nonfunctional affected child. It was a primal fear. Who could blame them?

To see someone like Temple was a complete fascination for me. I remember thinking - how great is that? She is like a bright light for all of these parents who have kids with autism in what seemed like a very bleak outlook. She was an interesting news snippet at that point.

As time went on though, I began to feel comfort in the way she described how her brain worked. Which was weird because I wasn't looking for comfort. In some ways it felt like she was talking about me.

I am not autistic - but I have commonalities to the way my brain works and the autistic brain. I am a very spatial/visual thinker. The world exists to me as a series of snapshots. Like time stops for a second and etches the image into my brain. It almost feels as though my brain is using flash. I'm easily over stimulated by light or movement. It doesn't help I have an extremely wide peripheral vision field. I feel discomfort in crowds. More stuff than I can really outline in this post.

Like ADD and being shy - these are things I actively compensate for. But also produce a lot of anxiety.

Anyway. That is some of the back story.

A few weeks ago I found out she was going to be speaking at Los Positas College. I had to go. I also wanted to see how closely Claire Danes represented her. Which was pretty good, actually.

As we sat waiting for everyone to be seated - I feverishly scanned the faces of the audience to see if I could see anything different about them. Nothing. It wasn't until the younger people spoke I could see how they were affected.

As I listened to her I couldn't help but wonder about my own family DNA. My Aunts' kid was very behaviourally affected before his passing. He was on Ritalin at seven years old. Decades before it was fashionable to have kids on it. He got into a lot of trouble.

For me though, I was lucky to not have these problems. The ADD I could focus into the technology world. And the shyness - I just have to try to pretend it doesn't exist.

As a girl I think it is just easier. The world is more forgiving. Boys wind up with all these socially unacceptable behaviours. I think it is just harder for them. They don't have as many acceptable outlets.

At any rate - I feel lucky to have seen her. There aren't too many people I can hang on every word they say. She is definitly one of these people.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

I'm thinking about buying an electric fence for dogs, to keep the squirrels from destroying my corn this year. Discuss.

It used to be that corn was so cheap - you were basically a nutter if you grew your own. Or had too much time on your hands. Now, all the good corn is sent to the ethanol plant. The stuff in the stores is of marginal quality. I mean, really, really bad. Small, moldy, and generally stuff you would have thought would go to the livestock farms for feed. And I love corn - so I will put up with a lot.

So, it's either grow - or drive to the central valley.

I am a little squeamish about the electric fence. Not going to lie. But if you saw what rubenesque assholes these little shits are. You'd understand why. They will destroy anything cane like.

I am not in to hurting animals. I mean... I'm not turning it up to 11 or anything. Chihuahua level tasering.

Saturday, March 05, 2011

Instead of new car smell, they should make new electronics smell to spray in your car.

Mornings with Paisley.

Friday, March 04, 2011

Yipes. Gas almost at 4 bucks. Didn't we invade Iraq to steal their oil? /sarcasm off.

The analysts believe we can absorb higher gas prices. I think they are completely full of shit. You can already see people are pulling back on driving. Besides - we've all adapted to staying home.

All the spending I've been doing the last few months is so I can hunker down again if I have to.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

So far this week:

Fine. Then rage. When I realized I wasn't going to get any work done.

Fetal position. Then acceptance. But, only because I thought my machine was coming today. It wasn't. So - straight to fetal.

How did things come to this? I can barely function without this thing.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Now that - is a laser pointer.

Light gets directed from all the tubes on the right. Comes out from single massive tube on the left side of the picture.