Monday, July 14, 2008

Strike a pose.

Sometimes Readers - I wish I was way more bold. The kind of bold that most of the world is, and I'm apparently not.

A couple of days ago, I was at a sandwich shop. I'm at the counter picking up my phone order. In walks a guy. From my peripheral vision - I swear to you, all I could see was his package. To this day, I can't remember a thing about his face or the rest of his body. I'm not sure I ever looked at anything else on the guy - because I immediately became focused on trying to get a picture of him.

Did he have a ginormous package? Well.. no. Normally it would have been an unremarkable package. But it was all visible (I wish you could see hand gestures) because he was wearing the teeny tiniest shorty shorts ever. On a guy. Making it so your eye immediately focused towards his crotch. It was like he was wearing tidy whiteys. Imagine where the ball sack rides on most males, and you'll know where the shorts stopped.

Immediately my eyes widen, and I think "oh girl - really"? Because you know a straight guy would never wear that. Then I think "crap, if I don't get a picture of this guy, when I talk about him on my blog I just seem like an asshole". I mean, its the Bay Area. Every third person is gay, so that isn't the issue. But, they aren't all wearing teeny tiny shorty shorts with their crotch acting like a lighthouse beacon.

Anyway... I look around and the store is so small - I start devising all sorts of ways I can get a shot of him without drawing his attention. He is in line behind me at this point - and all I can think about is "take a picture - take a picture". But now I'd have to get out of line, which by nature draws attention.

After a little bit of searching and mathematical calculation of my odds of getting my ass kicked, I see a corner where I could take the shot un-noticed. But I was too late. One of the store workers also thought the shorty shorts were picture worthy. And that bitch was in my spot. At any rate.. I never got a shot of him. Which was a real bummer.

I seriously have to work on my stealth cell phone picture taking abilities. Don't people know that if they wear shit like that, there is someone like me dying to post it all over their blog?


  1. I have always wondered how you did your stealth photography. I took my manpi photots, but I had to work up some serious courage.

    I have encountered many multi-tonal female hairstyles while I've been here, and wanted to take pictures for you. But it takes too long to get my camera out of my purse, and it's a little too ovbious. I don't have a schwanky cel-camera.

  2. You tried to "kinnear" him.


  3. Why didn't you ask the store employee to e-mail you the picture?

    On second thought, your description was so good that I not only don't need to see the picture - I don't think I want to either!

    I have never been able to understand why anyone, male or female, would wear those itty bitty little shorts. Who wants to see that much of anyone, or have that much of themself be seen?

  4. MDG - Gimme! Multitonal hair?! Ah man. I loved your manpi shots - but I was so perplexed I couldn't find anything funny to say about it. Just picture a question mark bubble over my head, because that is a weird trend. But, funny.

    If it makes you feel better - I miss tons and tons of shots.

    You should get a strap for your camera, so you can hang it from your wrist or neck. Then you can be the ninja camera warrior.

    Warrior knitter - Very entertaining!

    Kasia - Mr S. and I actually discussed that, but I thought that might be creepy too. I have a very low bar for creepy. It's kind of neurotic of me.