Tuesday, May 05, 2009

It's like it never happened.

As much as I love my husband, I always joke with him that we can't have anything nice. Mr S. is a complete spaz. When he went through a phase where he would wake up flailing in the middle of the night spilling completely full glasses of water - I thought I'd loose my mind. It happened a bunch of times. Which required getting up out of a dead sleep and sopping up the mess. After about six times of this, and the threat of death - he switched us to aquapods. We then lived in wedded bliss.

The story isn't over however. You didn't think it was. Did you?

He then went into a new phase. Which all involve pockets. Leaving stuff in them. Gum wrappers with gum in them. This also caused a completely new razor phone to be washed. After that, I realized that we needed to buy insurance on things. You know. To save our marriage.

It's not that I'm especially attached to things. It's that we work so hard to get those things. So, I'm of the mind they should last a little while. I even have a whole depreciation formula so if things get messed up I can feel like I'm getting my monies worth. I know. It sounds psychotic. I grew up poor People. Maybe it is psychotic.

Anyway. Fast forward to now. Last week I got into the Chrysler and went "what the fuck happened to the seat"? Oh yes I did. Mr S. and I are very respectful of each other. We've been married a long time. You don't stay that way by being assholes to each other. However, that car isn't cheap and I was looking at a dime sized rip in the seat. This is where he admitted that he'd left a pen or a pencil in his pocket and poked a hole in the seat. I assured him that I would kill him, unless he managed to get it fixed. It seems like the killing thing is a theme isn't it? It's drama People.

Luckily, we'd bought interior protection for the car. I never thought we'd need to use it.

I was pretty sure that Chrysler was not going to honor these policies. Ya know.. with all they have going on. But, if he could get them to. He'd live.

Not only did they honor the policy, the guy who came out (Tony's Auto Care) did a bad ass job. I completely feel guilty for getting pissed at Mr S. in the first place.

Here is the before and after.


  1. Haha!!! I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'm always; WTF Sarge?!?!?

    When the Air Force switched over to their new gray uniforms there were about 5 new pockets for pens and tools and such. I've washed about 20 pens that have broken open on NEW $80 unforms. Of course we have fake arguments about who's fault it is. And he always tells his friends "MY WIFE keeps washing my uniforms with my pens in them." Fucker.

  2. Yes, I am the spaz in my family. I think your husband and I are karmic brothers or something.

    And I've only hit my wife in the nose twice when flailing at night.

    Glass of water thing? Yup. A pro, am I. That's why I got my camelbak sport bottle. No mess, no spill. A grown up sippy cup.

  3. Because we don't trust our water utility company, and also we hate the environment, we're big fans of bottled water. So that takes care of my "spilling water in the middle of the night" problem. Unless I forget to put the cap on the bottle.

    I have, however, punched my wife in the back while sleeping. That's right. Not "hit". "Punched".

    Her: Did you just punch me?

    Me: It was a dream?

  4. Hahaha! So this is what it takes to get you People to talk? Threat of bodily harm? Well, okay. It isn't my normal thing, but...

    MDG - all I can think is please please please don't let Mr S. go through an exploding pen phase. If he does, I'm blaming you. + I don't think I've ever seen you cuss.

    Steve- Since converting to water bottles, I've never once heard a water bottle fall to the floor in the middle of the night. And I'm a super light sleeper. Water glasses however must have some weird magnetic draw. Scientists should look into that.

    Stutefish- hates the environment. Loves it. I won't drink anything but bottled water. Even the bunnies get bottled water.(I feel embarrassed to admit) I know the utilities say the water is just the same as bottled. And, that may be - when it leaves their facility. But, I've replaced a lot of pipes. That is a whole lot of creepy inside.

    I guess I should feel lucky that Mr S. hasn't hit me. I however have been known to completely yank a pillow out from under Mr S.'s head in the middle of the night. Head hits the mattress with a thud kind of yank.

    Thankfully Mr S. is unable to recall most things when he gets woken up. Who knows what he might post about me.