Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Don't piss off the beaver voting block!

In a small Martinez town in California - a political storm has been brewing. What has gotten the residents so upset? Pot holes in roads? The public school system in shambles? More aid for the homeless? Well, sort of. Homeless beavers!

For months our news has covered this story endlessly. The city wanted to relocate the beavers. So, when or if, the rains eventually came they could prevent flooding in the downtown area.

But the beavers were so cute. Like little water bunnies. And really - who doesn't like water bunnies? You? Well, you suck then!

The rains did come... and the town did become close to flooding. Out came the conspiracy theories like little Dennis Kucinich rainbows. The heavy stream flow didn't break the beaver dams - the city did. Because they hate cute little black water beavers. See - the Mercury news even says so. Even though you have to register to read the f-ing news. Assholes!

Mercury News.com

"Some city residents on Saturday reportedly thought city workers were tearing out the dam, but Scola said they only removed a few large branches. They piled most of the branches and twigs dislodged by the raging waters on the bank so the beavers can rebuild the dam without taking down more trees.

There's no conspiracy to take opportunities to dismantle the dam needlessly," said Councilman Mark Ross, chairman of the city's Beavers in Alhambra Creek Subcommittee. "The beavers will rebuild, it looks like they started on one side."

The furor has become so heated. Save our bunnies, save our bunnies. I mean beavers. Look at this little gem from the news:

The beavers even have their own f-ing blog. Martinesbeavers.com.

Is it really rational to loose your political career just because of some cute fuzzy animals? Are things really so cushy in this world - this is more important than homelessness or taxes, or terrorism?

So I say, get behind the beaver platform. Or else I'll send my little friends to break - I mean knaw your legs. Really. I mean it.. I'm scared to sleep.

Bunnies support unions. I mean beavers. Or beaver unions. Whatever.

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