Tuesday, December 16, 2008

It's a nightgownmare.

I think god likes fucking with us - because it's funny.

I know.. you are confused. I can hear the gears turning. You are sayin; "I could swear last time I came to this blog that girl was an atheist - yet here she is acting like there is a god". It is Christmas people. You can have your god.

Honestly. God, no god. Who cares. I just want stuff to stop costing a billion dollars. This bank needs a million trillion dollar bailout. This guy looted billions. This company is paying billions in bribes. You get where I'm going - right? And yet the suffering doesn't stop there.

This email from my Mother in Law just came. It outlined the following:

"You asked for what I needed for Christmas and I couldn't think of anything to add.....until I went to bed and realized my nightgown has holes all through it! I guess I could use a new nightgown: long length and long sleeves, soft cuddly fabric like from "Earth Angels" or Elaine. I think it's brushed polyester or knit that feels like soft cotton. Nothing slinky or silky feeling. The one I have from Earth Angels is a size small believe it or not! It has a very full gown so my hips have room to roll around in bed."

Now, I'm not going to be shy when I say - there is nothing on earth I want to do less than buy my mother in law a nightgown. I don't even wear nightgowns. In the too much information arena, I'm sort of a t-shirt and nothin' kind of gal. I don't really get this whole need to give other people nightgowns. It is sort of a personal purchase - right? And the thought of purchasing polyester makes me cringe. I quit the first job I ever had working at a fast food restaurant because they made me wear polyester. Seriously.

Please - tell god to make it stop. My sides are hurting from the hilarity of it all. Oh wait - that is the never ending punch in the kidneys from the economy. Same thing.


  1. First off, if you're talking about the divinity, you have to capitalize "God." Otherwise, He/She gets Offended, and anyone who's read the "Good Book" knows what a bad idea that can be.

    Second, you've mixed ruminations on the Divine and polyester in the same post, which surely is a Mortal Sin of some variety. "Thou shalt not take the name of thy God in polyster or any other man-made fabric." It's someplace in Deuteronomy, if you look really hard. (Said the actress to the bishop.)

    Pax nabisco,

  2. Dearest Keyser.

    I spent a great deal of time pondering the ramifications of pissing off "the divinity". That's chocolate. Right? I decided it might be a good time to hedge my bets. I'm told the mortal sins place you into hell detention, and no one likes detention. So, I capitalize God, half the time.

    Peace be with Oreos to ya.

    Sincerely, Snarkolepsy