Saturday, December 27, 2008

Death looms around every corner. Oh - that's the cat.

Your family has some weird gift giving habit. You can admit it. So - what is it?

The reason I ask is because Mr S. and I just got a latent Christmas box. Inside?


An Auto Life Hammer. At first glance we thought it might be a reaction to Mr S.'s sister just being in an auto accident a month ago. But, then we remembered this might be some odd thing his family is into. His dad once sent us one of those emergency ladders that you use for two story houses.

We kept in the garage for a few years, and eventually threw it away. The odd thing is, his family does this a lot - and they haven't really had many emergencies. Mine has been through a lot. Including a house fire. All these products are just a waste of money. A house goes up so quickly, that you don't have time to even think "gee, where did I put that fire ladder". A house can be fully engulfed in 30 seconds.

In the case of Mr S.'s sister, this contraption wouldn't have helped either. Her car had to be ripped open by the jaws of life. She's mostly okay. But, even if you happened to have it inside the car cabin. Say in the glove box. Chances are your seat-belt has you trapped, and you aren't going to be able to reach it anyway.

Mr S. did point out that it has blinking lights. Which should make me shut my gaw. Oh, and it does have a nifty ice pick to fend off rapists. I guess.

Mr S. points out that his dad once sent us emergency road flares. I told you.. they have an odd habit.


  1. You know, I bought about 15 of those hammers for the school's holiday store. Sold 'em all.

    My mother is always sending me/us angel pins. I think she's just seeing the birthstone thing.

  2. I so totally knew this was gonna be something you were into. It is a nice thought - but we've been making so many jokes about this thing.

    It has the crappiest whistle ever. The kind you have to blow really hard into to make any noise. I can just imagine you are down a ravine, trapped in your car. You manage to reach the life hammer, but your ribs are broken so you can't blow very hard. You can hear the rescuers, but they can't hear you.

    I do like the icepick though. Which I'm not sure what it says about me. It's retractable.

    P.S. If I were you, I wouldn't be shocked if this thing found its way to where you are.

  3. Hey, it's gotta be comforting to know that if you're trapped in a serious accident, you won't have to worry about rapists.

    Last Christmas, Keyser's ex-wife gave him a bunch of emergency car supplies in a convenient bag. Eventually, it got put in the trunk. Occasionally, Keyser thinks about the nifty hammer for breaking open the window in case the car winds up in a river, and wonders what use it will be in the trunk. At the very least, if Keyser ever does wind up stuck in a car sinking to the bottom of a river, he'll be able to while away his final moments pondering the ironies of life.

  4. Keyser should also remember that the Mythbusters say to stay calm and wait until pressure equalizes. Which means a totally submerged and filled car, then open door as normal.

    Mrs. S: Yours has an icepick?!? The only extra feature ours had are little sticky pads that you use to tape the hammer to a convenient location. And a safe sharp edge to cut your seatbelt with.

    My luck would be that the hammer would become dislodged from it's holding area and bash me in the head.

    I did pretty well on the non-useful gifts. Except for the one friend who gave me one of those saying plaques. I hate those. She's been to my house and has seen that there is NOTHING like that anywhere. Maybe she felt I needed one. And she wrote on the back, so no regifting that one. I think I accidentally droppd it on my tile floor.

  5. MDG - Oh yeah This thing is like the Swiss army knife of life hammers. The retractable ice pick is so you can deflate the airbag. I guess. Even though, I've never heard of those things staying inflated. It even has a lame-ish flashlight part. One led. So at best you can find your keys.

    I'm too afraid to put it in the car. I might get pissed one day and use it to destroy my navsat. Worst navsat on the planet.

  6. Oh and my MIL the (the giver of un-useful gifts) always sends me purses. She's never seen me carry one. We've told her I don't use them. She just decides to send different sizes. This year, a small hand purse. I can't imagine carrying my camera bag and a purse. I got my boobs reduced to get rid of some of the crap making my neck hurt.

    It does make us laugh though.