Saturday, August 09, 2008

The carriage to hell.

This is something that has been building up for a while. For some reason lately, it has gotten worse. I can't quite place my finger on why.

It is people with baby strollers. Well - not just any strollers. Ginormous tank strollers that hold 2 or three children. Never mind that one of those children is normally old enough to walk on their own.

Old timey rant added for emphasis. Why.. when I was a kid - after you learned to walk. You walked. And you learned to keep up. No matter how tiny your legs were.

But my friends, this isn't the worst of it. More often than not, lately - the people pushing these strollers around are often tanks themselves. And, this is where my problem lies.

Listen - I don't care if you are fat. Don't care. Don't care. Don't care. What I do care about is an impenetrable wall of human air bags and children tanks that I have to navigate around like a game of tetris. And, I'm a super fast walker.

Take today for example. I was at the mall. Oh yes - the mall.

I know.. who goes to the mall anymore? The the mall used to have a Discovery Store. And I needed to get some Mythbusters gear. Sadly, the store is gone. But, I digress.


Up pops one of these rolling obstacle courses. Baby stroller with two babies. So, they get somewhat of a pass. But the dad - I swear to you weights 400 pounds. I'm not being mean or spiteful. I'm being factual. Mom isn't quite as heavy.

In your minds people. Imagine how much real estate that is.

Let me help you. From one side of dad to the other side of mom was about 8 feet. Given the two way traffic malls have - you can imagine how difficult it is to get around these people. You can't really break the chain between the parents and the stroller. So, your only choice is to go around. And none of these people are walking at a rate that gives any indication they care if someone wants to pass them.

It wasn't only today. Last weekend, I was at a street fair. Everyone had strollers. People must have been doing nothing but fucking for the last year. There are babies everywhere. Which means... tons of strollers. And, these people are o-bli-vi-ous to any other foot traffic.

Sometimes I was on a sidewalk and two strollers would meet and just stop. Totally blocking traffic in both directions. Since it is a stroller and a person, and you can't break the seal between parent and child - you either have to wait or make a 90 degree detour. After doing this about 50 times in an hour period - it tends to piss you off. At least it does me.

Just as an aside. I have actually become shocked at how many people in the 400 pound rage there are these days. It used to be pretty uncommon, but now on a daily basis I see people who are in that range. It is somewhat alarming. And I'm not prone to care anything about what you do to your body.

I just don't want to be trapped and unable to get around them. Is that too much to ask?


  1. I also hate those people who walk three or four abreast on the sidewalk, just moseying along in no particular hurry. Hello! Make room for other people, jackasses!

  2. OMG! I was thinking the exact same thing.
    Last night,in Wal-Mart, I saw the guy with the stroller that you are talking about. Honest.
    Every damn aisle that I walked down, he blocked my way. No, really. EVERYDAMNONE.
    Never mind people on the bus with srollers. They think that theu hey own the world. WHY is a three year old in a stroller the size of a small car? WHY don't they have to close it up when the kid can very obviously walk on their own? Put them on the frigging seat and fold up the stroller! I can't count how many people block the aisle with their carriage and then snarl and bitch when, as you are climbing over it like Mt.FREAKINGEVEREST, you bump little marblehead?
    Come on people! It's not rocket science!
    Whew! That feels better!

  3. BV - yeah those people piss me off too. Expecially when not one of the 4 people attempt to make any room for someone walking in the other direction.

    Biddie! I haven't seen you in forever. I'm gonna have to go catch up on your blog. Good to see you around.

    P.S. I love the term marblehead.