Today I was trying to drown out the world with the stereo on 11 and I thought I heard a honk. So I look to my right and this guy is smiling at me. Like a lot. So I smile back and I can see he is reaching for his window button. So - I roll down my passenger side window.
He says - I like your plate.
Which really made me happy because this is the first thing anyone has said about it. I was sort of nervous of the response I would get. I also figured most people didn't even know what it meant and hoped I be safe with that. I think the small portion of people who get it will think it's funny.
Snarkie's new business: NihiLyft, the ride sharing company that doesn't believe in anything at all ...
ReplyDeleteIt'll be instantly popular among that part of the Bay Area population that doesn't want a political sermon from some Neiman Marxist in tech during every ride.
YOU COULD BECOME THA TYRONE BIGGUMS OF RIDE SHAREZ, YO
Oh, wait, I forgot, you're blonde or something. :-)
WAIT WAIT ... you have that plate on your car with REGULAR SCREWS?
SO BRAVE! :-)
I sort of like NihiLyft. But, what would my logo be? Uber has the U - so you you can be seen. Lyft has the mustache.
ReplyDeleteWhen you said that about the screws, at first I was like - what, what does that mean? but my second thought was - so you think that plate is cool enough to be stolen. ;)
See - I think it would be more like - your destination I pointless.
ReplyDelete"Nihilism means you don't believe in value or value in existence." You're sort of coming from a pretty strict religious point of view. Believing the world is pointless and not believing in gawd doesn't make any of us more deviant than say your people.
Maybe we are even better people because we don't believe in a big daddy in the sky to save us from our sins. We don't do "do overs." Treat people here, good now, and you don't need a vacation place in the sky to get away from all the crap you did here.
The logo?
ReplyDeleteIt'd be a total solar eclipse, and the cars would have a little USB plug-in thing that makes the ring around the eclipse look like it's throbbing. :-)
Also ...
"Hey, Sky Dad, it's Jesus, I wanna bigger allowance."
"Can't. We're broke."
"HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?"
"The Holy Ghost stole all our money and moved to Brazil."
"AAAAAAARGH WE HAVE NO EXTRADITION TREATY WITH BRAZIL!"
"Nobody does, Jesus. But it's OK, we're making a deal with the Mossad -- if they bring back the Holy Ghost to stand trial along with the cash, we'll forgive them for what they did to you ..."
"AAAAAAARGH WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME AGAIN?"
"When we get him back, you can put the Holy Ghost up on a cross, that'll make you happier ..."
"Can't. Won't. You're out of your divine mind!"
"Why not?"
"Haven't you been down there lately? Stick a sheet up on a cross and crucify it ... what are you thinking? The social justice warriors will be all over us for racist imagery!"
"It could be a black sheet? A brown sheet? Maybe a yellow sheet?"
"THIS IS WHY WE CANNOT HAVE NICE THINGS, SKY DAD. I AM OUT OF HERE!"
"Where are you going, Jesus?"
"To Brazil! Someone's gotta steal the money back so he can pay his own goddamned allowance!"
"Don't blaspheme, Jesus ... believe in yourself!"
"Whaddya gonna do, send the Holy Ghost after me? HA!"
:-)
Oh, also, about the license plate screws ...
ReplyDeleteYeah, you live and work in safe places where people aren't trying to steal your license plate so they can run around doing felonies and speeding through traffic cameras.
It was all fun and games for one of my friends until the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office made a special trip to Miami-Dade just to talk with him about how one of his license plates was used on a vehicle involved in a bank robbery.
So, no, I'm not that trusting a person.
Another friend offered to put my new license plate on one of my vehicles, and I told him it was a bad idea and I'd do it later, but he persisted ...
So I gave him four different security screw kits and told him to attach it with one screw out of every kit, along with a heavy sheet of Lexan to put over the plate itself so the stickers couldn't be removed.
"No wonder you haven't had your license plates stolen before. You're too much of an asshole to fuck with, because nobody would even think of that unless he was an asshole already."
But there you are, rocking four standard Phillips head screws like a total non-asshole ...
Did I mention I routinely carry at least three little tools that could pop that plate off in seconds?
YOU CAN BECOME AN ASSHOLE TOO! :-)