Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Trying to find my inner chi.

Sorry I've left you hanging so long, Readers.

Everything since Friday has been a giant ball of stress. And, since it's always a perfect idea to add more stress to any situation - Mr S. and I have decided to book a trip to a Mid-West town. Henceforth to be called Bitchopolooza. Which has pretty much put me on tilt. The great thing for you, is that I will be mobile blogging. Or sanity blogging.

You see, we are going to visit my husbands family. Who are very fine decent people. Let me just say that right up front. My whole bitch fest will most definitely be more about what an asshole I am, rather than anything wrong with his family. This is also something I'm keenly aware of.

So when you read my rants, you know up front I know I'm being an asshole. But, this is my blog, and Mr S. has agreed I get to bitch about anything in exchange for me going. And there will be bitching.

It really is a testament to how strong of a man my husband is. He has to endure a lot you know.

This is a preview of bitchopolooza:

1. I hate flying. This isn't to say I don't love to travel. I just hate to fly. More of a road trip girl myself. I particularly hate waiting. You can't imagine how much I hate waiting. And airports are all about that. Gets on my last nerve. I also hate having to sit for extended periods of time.

Then there are a lot of "please don't let me die with this group of people" kinds of thoughts going on.

Every time I fly these days, I feel like I'm somehow with people who should be on the short bus. Like last time, when someone threw up in the plane and made the whole plane smell like puke. Once, I got sat next to someone with a neurological disorder, and she kept bumping me the whole 5 hour flight. I thought I would wig out.

2. The family. More specifically Mr S's mother. She is a little too...everything.

She and I are both only children, but we couldn't be more opposite. We get along very well mind you, but she's a little like a golden retriever who wont stop licking your face. She's so nice, you just have to put up with it. But she certainly is a smotherer.

See.. I'm an asshole right? Most people would love to have that problem.

3. My need for entertainment. I don't really want to fly hundreds of miles to hang out at someones house for days. Refer back to item #1.

Mr S.'s mom's idea of a good time, is to throw a party. Or hang out at the house all day regaling me with a certain childhood story I've heard about a half a billion times by now. Last time we were there, I was told that story 50 times in one night. I'm not exaggerating. They always seem to think its the first time I've heard it.

I sort of want to see something while I'm there. Preferably with his mom. She's a perfectly fit woman.

4. Mr S's mom overcooks everything. And I have to pretend that I like it. Because, while I'm an asshole... I'm not rude.

It's going to be a good fun time. You see that. right?


  1. Hey! I was starting to wonder where you had gotten to.
    Sounds like you're going to have a great time. Much like the fun I have with *my* inlaws.
    And you get to show off the new boobies! Do you think that will be enough of a conversation stopper anytime someone starts in with "The Story"?

  2. Ha! I'm not even going to have the tape off my bo'ubes until the end of November.

    How would that conversation go anyway? (Story begins) Me - "Hey.. have you seen my boobs"?

    It's a good thing they don't have those xray screeners yet. That would definitely get me a cavity search.

    As it is, we are planning to ship a bunch of pain in the ass stuff, so we don't get hassled in the airport. CO2 cartridges for camera lens cleaning. They sort of look like large bullets. Nail clippers.. you know.. that sort of thing. I'm not sure they can make airports less fun.

  3. Haha! That's exactly as I see the conversation going.