Monday, December 20, 2010

I told u it would be slow.

I don't have anything interesting for you.

There has been the rain. But not spectacular rain. The only interesting thing was waking up on Sunday and finding my deck flooded. Accidentally. I was just peeking outside to see the rain and went - oh shit.

The deck is effed. A recession and the fact the deck is a complicated project is the only thing that makes this story mildly amusing. Since the deck needs to be replaced - I normally keep the drains clean. It was super windy which caused leaves to clog the drains.

This deck is over my garage. And at this point is filled with 2-3 inches of water. Over the top of my feet.

I'm not really sure how much weight this deck can hold - but I'm confident I have to get that water draining right away. In the end, that was the only drama. So, meh.

Oh! I learned something new about Christmas. Apparently people send a lot of flowers. My mother in law is going in for a hip replacement - two days before Christmas. Electively. It isn't like she fell and needed the replacement. She's athletic. It just wore out. She is braver than I am. It's kind of a big surgery and staffing can't be that great during the holidays. Then 2 weeks in rehab through the New Years. Not the drug kind. I know you are a twisted bunch. You are.

Anyway. Pretty much all the good flowers were sold out. Which leads me into the forced shopping. I'm not a great shopper anyway. I don't mind the crowds so much. I just want them to move. Unlike the zombified shuffling they are doing now.

Oh! And I never hate women and old people as much as I do through the holidays. I saw this woman stare at a candy cane for like a minute. Like she'd never seen one before. I don't care if you want to fondle, smell, and dream about every item. Just stand out of the way.

See... nothing interesting.


  1. I've decided to buy a trio of ostriches to raise in my backyard, that's got to be at least mildly interesting.

  2. That is just the kind of statement that makes me super curious.

    Okay - wait. Are you zoned for that? I didn't think your place was that rual. That is interesting. Why 3? You know they are real assholes. Right?

    We have an open air park a few miles from here. I always fantasize about stocking the park with weird animals. Ostrich was one. But, they will seriously kick your ass. Peacock. Flying squirrels.

  3. I'm still trying to get bullet proof on the zoning, but I'm pretty sure that I found a loophole. At the very least, I've got a long enough legal defense to get me from chick to slaughter, so I'm not worried about losing money.

    To limit birds from becoming obnoxious ;) we're only allowed to have 15 poultry. Originally, I wanted to have my own quail eggs, but 15 birds wouldn't be enough, so I went the other direction. The city explicitly bans bovines, goats, pigs, horses and other obvious farm animals, but no one every thought about banning a ratite because it's a bit unusual and only existed in South Africa when our ordinances were formed. I'm already zoned on a special animal exemption permit because of my beagles and I'm pretty sure I can grandfather my ostriches in. Since I don't have to technically register them, I'm going to wait until someone notices which should buy me at least 2 or 3 months.

    Getting my permit for the monkey on the other hand, may ultimately involve me having to move into county land.

    I'm going w/ 3 because I want the option of breeding them if the city doesn't shut me down and there's always the potential for all kinds of mortality on a farm ;0 so it's better to have too many than too few. They are also very social animals, so you pretty much need to have at least two.

    As far as my research goes, they're not really assholes as much as incredibly stupid. Their brain is the size of a ping pong ball, they only know certain responses to stimuli. Because they are territorial, they tend to be mean, but if you know how to speak their language you can tame them pretty easily. It's all about knowing which button to push in that ping pong ball to get your desired response. When you come take photos of them, we can race each other.

  4. People I hate? Thems what stands in line at Burger King for the better part of five minutes, waiting their turn, and then, once they hit the cherished spot in front of the cash register, and ONLY then begin staring up at the menu board in vacuous indecision going, "Uhhh....uhmmm..I think I'll have... uhmmm..."

    DUDE! You've been in line for five minutes? You couldn't SEE the giant menu board from back there? You had to wait until you were face to face to figure out what it is you want?!


  5. You are working with a full ping pong ball!? Envy. The bunnies only have a quarter of that, and I've yet to manipulate them into a desired response. I've been trying for years.

    Honestly, I'd pay five bucks + a bag of popcorn to see how this turns out. Your neighbors are going to narc you out so quick.

    If there is anything I've learned from my houses - there is someone in a 5 house radius with the city on speed dial. I'd bet you have a notice at your door in 30 days flat. Over/under 2 weeks.

    It is entertaining though. Ostriches, and cars in trees? I'm all about that.

    Steve - Add a cell phone to the mix and I'm all on board.

    Hey baby. What do you want? Oh, they have these kinds of cheeses. What kind of cheese do you want?

    And while we are at it. I really hate the people who walk into a building and stop right in the middle of the door way. It is like their bodies only had enough energy to get them right inside the establishment. Then they need to take a nap. Meanwhile everyone else has to ask them to move or dodge them. I hate that.