Thursday, November 08, 2007

Kitchen Nightmares.


One of the biggest problems with my trip to bitcholooza was my MIL's cooking. She insisted on cooking every meal.

There is nothing that woman can't cook to death. Even worse! She thinks she's a fabulous cook. So, I have to lie and tell her I like everything. Which I really hate doing. She does bake well - but holy fuck can that woman make everything else taste like sweaty gym socks.

Another example of her weirdness - Mr S. and I bought some bottled water to drink instead of her tap water. Which of course made her become all offended. It wasn't like we complained about the water... we just went out and bought some.

When she figured out what we had done - I found Mr S. getting grilled about it. He finally had to tell her we liked bottled water. But that didn't stop her from trying to push her water on us. Finally, one night we relented to drink her water. She seemed so proud she'd managed to stop us from consuming that evil bottled water. What does it even matter to her?

Another sucky thing? Mr S. and I had originally wanted to have a nice dinner out in bitchopoolza. Even if you know the trip is going to suck, you can resolve yourself in enjoying the local cuisine. Right? I fell in love with Cuban coffee this way. Every state I've visited has some item I have to go back and enjoy.

But, this was not to be the case here. I don't think Mr S's mom eats out at all. We would have been happy of she would have come. But nooooooo. I couldn't even go to visit a Ruby Tuesday. One was right in bitchopoolza. They advertise for them here, but they don't have any within a four hour drive. I don't know if they are good or not, but they look good on TV.

Most annoying? I was up for less than a minute one morning, and she'd already shoved breakfast in front of me. Who eats breakfast within minutes of getting up? I want some f-ing coffee and some space.

To my horror things didn't get better when we were able to escape and eat a meal with Mr S.'s dad. I found myself eating boxed potatoes at a really pricey restaurant. Over a hundred dollars pricey. Boxed potatoes people! I mean... if there is one thing the Midwest should have is fresh potatoes. Right? Wigged me out.

This trip was the first time I'd ever flown anywhere and came back weighing less than when I went. And I was looking forward to deep fried everything. A Midwest staple apparently.


  1. Holy crap that sucks!
    I can relate though, although my MIL wants **ME** to cook for her!!! Hi, vacation!
    And at least there's a Starbucks in her town. Ruby Tuesday's not all that great, usually a nice salad bar, sometimes great steaks. Kind of a crap shoot.
    Welcome back though!

  2. What are boxed potatoes??

  3. "What are boxed potatoes??"

    Boxed potatoes are dried potato flakes that come in a box.

    They have a funny after taste because they've been processed to death.

    I think they actually cost the same as real potatoes, but you have to put the effort in to peel fresh ones. The other you can just pour from a box and add water.

    I think for almost a hundred and 50 bucks you can get off your ass and peel some potatos.

  4. "And at least there's a Starbucks in her town."

    Oh.. you just had to rub that in.

    Re: Ruby Tuesday's...they've managed to convince me through advertising they are great. Even though I know they probably aren't. They make a special point to make everything look so fresh.. but I'm guessing it's like Olive Garden.

    P.S. Its no wonder you MIL wants you to cook. Have you seen the pictures of the things you bake on your website? That totally sucks when you are trying to relax though.

  5. Oh yeah, and she's not subtle about it either. "So whattaya making me for dinnah tonight?" Um, how about some take out? Boxed Potatoes maybe?

    It's the opposite when we go visit my family. My mom won;t let me cook, and makes all of my small kid time favorites. Sarge though, by the end of the trip is eating at Wendy's. Just so he can have a meal that does not involve Soy Sauce, Ginger, or rice.