Wednesday, May 22, 2013

It's story time.

A long time ago I wrote a post titled, I want to stop hating people -they just wont let me. I still get people every month hitting my site under variations of that search criteria. I imagine they want me to bestow upon them some wisdom to make them better people. I usually laugh inside and think - no silly people! What you need to do is squash those feelings down so they can come out at an inopportune time later on in life.

I'm pretty sure I had one of those moments.

Remember a week or so ago I had Mr S. go over and ask the neighbors if they could trim their monolith of a treeshrub.I call them privets. It was going really well. I was so happy they chose to trim this thing I re gifted them a bottle of wine. I went over to personally thank them.

Well, the day came, and the trimmers were only given instructions to trim a very small part of the thing to get it off my house. I flew over to their house trying to find some way to get them to trim all of the stuff over my fence line. In a fit of panic I offered to help pay. I mean, the trimmers were there. Before the recession I could hire guys to trim my side, but now no trimmer wants to take the chance of getting sued. The trees are not on my property. Period. They refuse to trim for me.

You see, this fall I'd about lost my mind in regards to this neighbors trees. Something about the weather pattern made it shit on my yard for months. And I'm not a lazy person. However raking these leaves every three days was starting to aggravate my back. Even though I almost never talk about it - I have a pretty bad back problem. I had breast reduction surgery about five years ago. That's how bad my back problem is. Women don't have half of their breasts taken for cosmetic reasons. I'm a hugely active person, but certain things really eff me up even still.

Now do I think this gets me out of raking? Of course not. But several times a week flipped my bitch switch. And this wasn't even for the tree they were trimming. This bit of treeshrub is directly from satan. It shits berries all the time. It's constantly sending up runners on every other property. It was over my fence by about 4 feet the whole length of the fence.

I mean, just last week I was laughing at my neighbor to the back. As soon as he saw trimmers at my house he ran over here in a fit of hope I believe. He's been mad at that house for a long time. The tree that neighbor shares with them encroaches 15 feet into his yard. 15 feet! When we replaced our common fence, it was all the guy wanted to talk about. Last week I was like - glad I'm not that guy! Because everything seemed rosy at that point.

Well.... now I'm that guy.

I got back from Maker Faire and my neighbors had left me a bill. Even though I did say I would help pay, I was pissed. And I did pay, but that doesn't mean I wasn't going to tell them what a huge jerk of neighbors they were. It normally costs me about 300 bucks a year to trim the trees from that one neighbor. Now mind you, I pulled out all of the trees from my place. My neighbors trees are more than enough for me. These particular privets are more than two stories tall. I'm pretty sick of it actually. It isn't like it's just a branch or two. It's 40 feet X 20/25feet of shrub that climbs about four feet into my yard.. And let me remind everyone - I can't get a fucking trimmer to save my life to trim those shrubs. They all say the same thing. We don't want to get sued.

They did send me my check back. But the earth is already scorched. They basically told me they feel no obligation whatsoever to trim those trees. They can just plant whatever they want and I can suck it. The funny thing about their letter was, they said - our neighbor to the right has a pool that leaves fall into all of the time. That is a part of living "in an old neighborhood". So I google earthed their property, and it's their tree that is hanging over the neighbors pool. I bet 50 bucks he hates those neighbors too. I know the neighbor to my right isn't happy about their common shrub situation. But he's only got about 10 feet in common.

I bet good money if this situation was reversed they would think 'I' was the biggest asshole in the universe. Anyone would.


  1. Pay someone to poison the plants then!

  2. I thought about getting all passive aggressive and buying the biggest leaf blower I could. Then maybe making a simple skateboard ramp. So when I blow the leaves - they will flow back into the neighbors yard. I mean the one tree is like 30 feet tall. It shits a lot of stuff. Mr S wanted to buy a giant airplane fan, and just preempt the whole thing. Sure, it costs more than the trimming, but it makes me feel better.

    But really... if that neighbor had to pay 300 bucks a year just for the luxury of living next to me and having my trees mash them, they'd be pretty pissed too.

    People say a lot of things to excuse their bad behavior. I will enjoy them explaining the whole thing to my neighbors though. They don't seem to be the type who understands all of their neighbors are just being nice to them. We still think they totally suck. The only difference now is - they think I suck too.


  3. Good grief. What a bunch of shitheads.

    I vote for the leaf blower option.