I'd fire you all - and replace you with machines.

There are few things that piss me off more than supermarkets. Okay - maybe that isn't the truth, but supermarkets are way up there. Peoples excessive personality ticks really seem to come out in stores.

But that isn't the reason for my rant today. Today it is unions. Thats right - I said it.

This is the scenario.

I'm in my usual 10 items or less - find the fastest way out routine. I carefully check my 5 containers of wheat grass for bar-codes. Yeah - I don't know who eats that crap either. But someone must - because it is always in the store, and the healthiest grass you've ever seen.

Apparently the whole world has bunnies or people must really consume a lot of this stuff. Anyway. This is what I'm buying:

5 containers of wheat grass
1 Baby Simethicone (bunnies sometimes get air in their bellies)
1 still warm loaf of French Bread.

We proceed to the self checkout line. Now - I would not have attempted this if my grass didn't have bar-codes on them. That would be downright sadomasochistic.

I scan the first bar-code. Of course - an error pops up. The handy person manning the machines tells me they aren't in the system - and asks if I know how much they are.

In my head I think - um.... no. It has a bar-code. Thats what bar-codes are for.. to tell the checker how much things cost.

Since I don't know how much they cost - we wind up getting into another line. I make a comment to my husband that you would think that everything with a bar-code would be in their system. Anyway....

At this point there are 3 people in front of us, and we begin to wait.

After a few minutes of animated eye movement - yes, my husband and I can have a whole conversation with our eyes - a gentleman in front of us strikes up a conversation. Apparently he had been watching us.

He says the following:
"I am glad you chose not to use the self checkout machines. Each one of those things cost 4 people their jobs". He says " I'm in the union".

First - I didn't really choose not to use the machines. Second - because you are in a f-ing union - I bet 4 more checkers would not make this line go any faster.

Normally - I might have said something agreeable. But I couldn't even feign that because in my head I was having all sorts of sarcastic thoughts. So I uncomfortably laugh and don't say anything. Then - I look over at the self checkout machines. 1 out of 4 is being used.

Also note - we are in the fast checkout lane, and we have been in line for 5 minutes at this point. I look around to see if I can get into another line. There are now about 10 people behind us. Every line stretches out into the isles.

Finally the checker starts ringing us up. Well sort of. She starts calculating the wheat grass in her head out loud... and I wouldn't call her a math wiz. I look at her in a confused way because I wasn't sure what she was calculating. I really had never seen a checker not scan every item. At least not short of being in a country store. My husband finally gave her the total, and she makes a comment about not wanting to burn up the buttons on the register.

Honestly...is she kidding me? By now she recognizes I'm getting irritated. Okay - the possibility exists she might have seen my husband and I having an eye conversation. But if she was a little busier doing her job, she wouldn't have. I mean, it wasn't like she could overhear us.. she would have to be watching us.

At this point she is looking and acting like she would rather be any place else on earth. And I have to tell you I'm not really sympathetic the company is trying to hire less of these people. If you loath being a checker so f-ing much, stop trying to make me care you are at risk for loosing your job. Because I don't.

As a matter of a fact - if she didn't make it so obvious she was working as slowly as possible to justify her barely having a pulse position, I wouldn't want to use the self checkout machines so often. But now I want to use them exclusively.