Friday, July 02, 2021

This is the rawest you will ever get me.

I'm pretty sure that when I was born, I popped out and just started running and running and running. Now I've outrun all of those people, and I'm left wondering now what?

I'm out here looking at the Mississippi River wondering what the fuck I did to deserve all of this. I'm helping a man I don't even know (even though he's been in my life the whole time) into the next stage of his life.

My Uncle was always a background character in my family drama. My mom was always the main character because she had a metal illness. My Aunt and I were always just trying to dodge all the shrapnel from both of them. I have always carried an enormous amount of guilt and resentment of my Uncle because they lived in government housing. The deepest amount of guilt you can imagine, because you guys see my pictures. I'm not struggling. I wanted to help my Aunt so many times - I've lost count. But I couldn't because my Uncle just plowed through money and she would never leave him. Money meant mothing to him. I saw what they did when they won the California Lottery and I just couldnt give them money. He just bought crap they couldn't use and frittered it all away. They were poor almost immediately. I thought I was coming here to put some of those demons to rest.

So... I pop into town and land at my Uncle's Project. I told you about a month ago my Aunt died. Immediately people who work there pull me into an office and tell me they have opened an Adult Protective Services case. CPS for adults. I guess when my Aunt was in the hospital my Uncle got lonely and found some tender loving care with some other woman and they think she was robbing him blind. I find out he had three bank accounts (at least one is overdrawn)and all of his accounts are compromised. How someone living in the Projects has three accounts is beyond me. I spend the first day (three hours!) at the bank with a person from the Projects and another person from APS shutting down accounts and the abilty to withdraw money. It's honestly like a bomb got dropped on me. I'm in complete shock.

They pull a credit report on him to find out where all his money is going. They tell me someone is renting videos like five times a day. I ask if it's porn, and she shakes her head yes. A few months ago my Uncle was talking to me about something (I don't even remember now) and I was kinda surprised. I'm like - Uncle - porn is free. I don't give a fuck if he is watching - I only care that he is paying for it.

The projects are trying to relocate him because he's got a bit of the dimentia and he has started four fires this year in his appartment. And because one or more people are robbing him, they are suspcious of me at first. Not of robbing him, but my relationship with him. It's been about five years since I have been out. They didn't know me from Adam.

He is also a hoarder, so now my job is to get him to get rid of most of his stuff because he can't have it at the new place. We are trying to get him into assisted living so he doesn't kill someone. And it's a much smaller place. He is also paying on 2-3 storage units. I know of two of them.

The second day I was able to make some progess on his apartment. He is a single man in a two bedroom unit. In the Projects they kick people out because the unit is made for a family. Since he is a hoader, everything I throw away I have to ask about. Even if it's just an empty envelope. And it's shit-ton of stuff.

Today he went into full hoarder mode. Everything I wanted to clean out from one of his storages he wanted to take back to his appartment. And he started getting really pissed at me. I genuinely don't know what to do.

And oh by the way. One of the "characters" that made me aware of all of this is also suspected possibly of taking his money. A police report needed to be taken because of the bank stuff. I've spent three days trying to figure out if he is involved or not. Lots of people seem suspicious of him. I'm pretty sure my Uncle would have signed over power of attorney to him because my Uncle is just that way. He could have taken everything - so none of this makes sense. And this guy has done hard time. I guess he did 20 for stealing DMV cameras when he was 17. So, now I might have to live with the idea this person goes to jail for life.

This guy tells me that my Uncle would buy furniture from Rent a Center and just put it in storage. He said he did that like 3 times. This is not a lie. My Uncle does shit like that. And it's also why I would NEVER give him money. He did it when they won the lottery. So this story is completely plausible.

Now it's possible my Uncle is doing all this shit and doesn't remember. But because that guy has done time, I know they wont give him the benefit of the doubt.

My guilt meter is pegged slightly less now, because I can't imagine how mad I would be if I was sending him money and he was giving it away to another woman. All of this is super fucked up.


  1. ouch :( good luck getting that figured all out

  2. Capital of Texas RefugeeSaturday, July 03, 2021 6:10:00 AM

    "Now it's possible my Uncle is doing all this shit and doesn't remember."

    If that's the situation and your uncle is self-harming through various behaviors, then this could change things substantially.

    There's something called "domiciliary care" which is something that doctors and psychologists can put people under who are so messed up that they can't take care of themselves or even go back to their old living arrangements.

    Sometimes this can happen when a rest home has done all they can, but the person keeps subverting them, doing stuff like playing Medicine Refusal Roulette.

    Lots of states have something like Florida's Baker Act.

    Egregious financial self-harm may count.

    "I genuinely don't know what to do."

    Here's what not to do: absolutely do not look like a "last recourse source of aid" for that state's "adult protective services" people, or you will become one.

    Here's what else not to do: avoid being "too helpful" when it comes to trying to arranging things so you're out of drama's reach, because that will never happen.

    And that's because ...

    "My Aunt and I were always just trying to dodge all the shrapnel ..."

    You still are.

    Move your own self-preservation to the top of the list of things to do and keep it there.

    "They tell me someone is renting videos like five times a day ..."

    It probably just looks like a video rental service to pass under the radar of the financial authorities.

    These days, when you can't get to the strip club, the strip club can come to you.

    "It's been about five years since I have been out."

    You're still not out.

    "It's honestly like a bomb got dropped on me. I'm in complete shock."

    Let it explode when you're safely out of the way.

    Your only other recourse is to let this person terrorize you with their burdens of irresponsibility, and this is a kind of terror that only ends with that person passing away, assuming they haven't left it in a will to some other family member.

    "... they are suspicious of me at first ... [of] my relationship with him ..."

    That's not it.

    You were nearly all of the way out, and then you got pulled back into the drama.

    These "adult protective services" people have seen this a lot, and they're right to be suspicious because it looks like to them that all of the caring flows in one direction.

    So try this: put together a list of items you consider necessary to have in place that get this situation so that it doesn't blow up on you because it's in someone else's hands, and then work toward getting each of those items taken care of.

    When everything on the list is done, you should be able to get entirely clear of this, and it'll be someone else's job to take care of the drama.

    Then leave and let whatever transition has been negotiated run its course.

    But just in case, don't let your gas tank get below 3/4 in case you need to make a run for another state's border just so you can put some legal distance between you and the drama.

    You may think I'm joking, but have a quick search for the number of states that will try to come after you for "family obligations".

    BTW ... how in the fuck can you afford to become a hoarder on government aid?

    I've never worked out how that's possible.

  3. Snark, I know that you are in the middle of great turmoil, but please give some thought to what the captain said.

    Take care. BunnyGoat

  4. Texas Refugee gave you (what looks to me) as some fine advice.
    Good luck....

  5. You guys have been super kind. I appreciate it immensely. Texas Refugee - I'm going to put a pin and that and circle back when I get a second.