Thursday, July 15, 2021

Guilt is a powerful drug. Chapter 4.

Then there are people like my Uncle who are basically un-helpable. He had "big dreams", but no ambition. He broke everything he touched. Yet in some ways maybe he saved my life by being a fuck-up. He shaped everything I thought about men. He wouldn't even learn to BBQ. So I was like - oh no. I'm not marrying a man who won't learn to BBQ. 

I technically think that is the minimum bar for being a man. Apologies to anyone out there who doesn't BBQ. That's just my truth.

He created my love for infomercials because they are so manipulative. I could see how they sucked him in. He auto-paid for get rich quick schemes that he never attempted. I used to think - if you just stopped paying for those things you would be richer. His lockers were full of how to get rich quick in the stock market. He never figured out that few people get rich quick. Usually it's hard as fuck.

The one day Mr S. spent with me going through the lockers he ran into multiples of those BBQ tools and he just laughed because he knew how much that burned. I've been super resentful for a very long time now. I think my Aunt could have had a better life.

And in those whole process.... I can't even be resentful because apparently my Uncle was having an affair! I did not have that on my dysfunctional bingo card. I'm like what? Stop the game. I never once saw my Uncle stray or anything close.

But a few months ago my Aunt did mention something about another lady she wanted out of the picture. I figured my Uncle was a bit lonely at this point and didn't think much of it. As a matter of a fact, I laughed and asked my Aunt if he was getting "handies." Later I told Mr S. about it, because I felt like I was sort of being a dick at the time. They are old and I used to like to poke my Uncle. I'm like - you are just causing trouble. But legit, he was having an affair. And that woman was apparently the prime suspect they thought was robbing him.

The early days when I was there apparently he had broken up with her. The second half he was in love with her and wanted to buy her a house. In my head I was like mother fucker - if I was sending you money this whole time and rolled up to this bullshit I would lose my mind. I have yet to total up his porn budget. And I don't care he's watching porn! I only care he's paying for it. I was actually going to teach him how to get free porn before I left, but things got weird. Yes. I said that - after I just said that.


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