Monday, July 12, 2021

Guilt is a powerful drug.

People think the other drugs are more powerful, but I've tried a few of them - and guilt will try to ruin your life just as easily as any of the others.

I went out to handle my Uncles' affairs so I could finally rest. The burden I had been carrying around had grown so heavy. I just couldn't add one more layer of guilt. Abandoning him would have done that. I went out there for me. Not for him. Altruism is based on selfishness. It is. These people built all the foundations for my walls. And I'm just tired. Maybe now that they are dead or nearly so, I don't have to have my guard up so much. (maybe)

It took me ten days to figure out if people were robbing him blind, or if he was just doing what he'd always done. Giving his money away, and or spending it as fast as he could. He was always extremely bad at money.

My only mission was to get him to a place where he couldn't kill anyone because he's got a touch of the dimentia. It didn't matter how I felt about anything. I just had to pack that away and hope I could leave it there as I left. I had to get rid of his storages so he could afford to live in this new assisted living environment. I had to try and get rid of almost everything in his apartment because it won't fit in the new place. And I had to find out where all his money was going.

The first day I got there he seemed not too bad. He was "seeing things", but it still seemed like he could live independently with help. But each day after it was like he got 100% worse. By day two, the mirror in his bedroom was a door to another room and people would come in at night and cut things off of him. Mostly his keys and other things he'd lost.

On day two I tried to take him with me to the storage's, but everytihng I wanted to throw out, he wanted to take back to his apartment. He'd worked hard for all of these things and the only reason they were there is because he couldn't have them at the aparment. "The Projects" do inspections at least four times a year. And I agree with him! But if he didn't want to be hassled by the government - he should have thought of that a long time ago.

Before long I found myself stealing his keys so I could get in to the storages without him. So now I'm that asshole.



  1. Snarkolpesy, you are NOT "that asshole". You did not abandon anyone, they abandoned you. You have been the dutiful niece. You could have handled this with one phone call with no reprobation. You are absolved now and forever.

  2. You are the sweetest things Jeff. You always say very kind things.