Saturday, January 02, 2010

Coming to a generation near you.

Sometimes with depression - the harder you fight it, the longer it takes to get rid of it. Yet if you give up completely, you're in a whole other ball of shit. The trick is to find that fine line. So, this week I've given into all of my destructive vices. Eating breakfast all week. Out.

Sleeping into 11. Or close to it, on many days. All those things I'd planned to do the Christmas week? Out.

By Wednesday I'd declared I hadn't gotten shit done. And, I was okay with it.

Friday gave me a really productive day. And I was really thinking I'd gotten this thing licked. But then it was sunny. My mood has pretty much risen and fallen with the weather. Today I'm back sideways. But I'm playing catch up to get something done. So we decided to catch some of the sales. By force really. I didn't want to be there.

I thought I was home free. I could just get my stuff done without affect. Then it came. When I was checking out.

The checker - I'm planning to get healthy this year.

Me - I make a nervous pause, I've spent the whole week making sure my heart would explode.

The person in front of me - Oh I plan to get healthy too!

Me - Well, here's to hoping it will last more than a couple of months.

I am not big on resolutions. I'm one of those "I'm going to try the best I can" types of people. If I did better than yesterday. Awesome. If not - I'll try again tomorrow. As a matter of a fact - I resolve to be no better than I am today. I am a fallible person, and I'm okay with that.

There. See.

If I am in fact better. It's all gravy. Anyway.

The checker again - I have to be healthy. I'm poor now. I can't afford to go to Nations or Starbucks.

This of course left me speechless. I was just about getting ready to tell her I thought resolutions were bullshit. Clearly, I misjudged were the conversation was going. I hadn't really felt like talking anyway, so I just let her go on and on.

Still - it's a weird testament to the next year. People you don't even know feel comfortable telling just about anyone they are now poor. Knowing that just about everyone will be accepting. They resolve the deprivation by taking up an acceptable form of deprivation. "Getting healthy".

Me. I'll get back on track soon. When I'm ready. Honestly, I think that would take less time if more people felt more uncomfortable telling me about their subtle suffering.

Sure. All of us have had to alter their worlds in ways. Though the depth is truly hard to adjust to sometimes.